Season's Greetings

So, I've been on the lookout for Christmas decorations. Saudi Arabia is an Islamic country which means no Christmas celebrated here. And, although it is ok to practice a religion other than Islam in your own home, it is a no no to sell Christmas decorations or otherwise promote a faith other than Islam publicly or in a group. And for those of you thinking well, celebrating Christmas is just what we do, whether or not you're religious...right. Here there is no such thing. Everybody has a religion whether they know it or not, whether they practice it or not, or whether they believe or not.

We are going to be here in Riyadh for Christmas. At first, I thought that during our quick trip home to Sweden in December we could celebrate Christmas and be done with it. But after more thought, I realized that we live here and we will be here. Why not make an attempt to make it Christmas-y?

I had heard that the careful shopper, during November, can find Christmas decorations. This is apparently because nobody is looking for the selling of Christmas decorations until December. So, during November, Christmas decorations can be purchased and then, come December 1, everything is pulled from the shelves. I have not found this to be the case..in my wanderings during November, I have not come across any Christmas decorations ... well, almost.

I had it all figured out. I would smuggle a Christmas tree in to Saudi Arabia on my next trip abroad. (***and now, as I am sitting here writing this, I am thinking, humm, how much of this can I actually write in an open blog????***) I'll leave it at that, I had a plan. Had discussed the plan, and was prepared to set the plan in action when I found myself at...a place. At this place I saw...a person. And, the person was carrying A CHRISTMAS TREE (of the fake variety). I stopped this person and asked,

"Where did you get that tree?!"

A quick trip to...another place and I found myself talking to...another

person :-) (Ohhh, it all seems so secretive and sneaky!!)

"Do you have Christmas trees?" I asked.

"Yes. What you want? One meter? Two meters? Three meters? What you want? I have. I can deliver it to you"

"Uh, I don't know, how tall are you?"

After a little sign language we settled on a size. "Yes, yes, I have" I was told.

"You give me your phone number and I will call"

The next day I get a phone call.

"Yes, madam, I am here, with your tree."

"Uh, you're here? I don't have any money to pay you"

"Its ok. I have tree. You call me when you want to pay"

Sometimes this country makes me smile...in a good way. I have a tree and I get to pay for it when I feel like it.

So, I have a Christmas tree....Looks like I'll be teaching the kids how to string popcorn this year!

Any other ideas?????

Keeping Up Appearances

Ok, Ok, I'm sorry!! Life here in KSA is being impacted by much more than just the ways of KSA. My husband has a job that is keeping him at work until all hours, so that he can come home and work at the dining table and when he isn't doing that he is traveling....so everything is falling on me and that doesn't leave much time to blog. It also means that I am very distracted. When I see something or am involved in something (like being pulled over by the police a few nights ago) that I think may be "blog worthy" the gazillion and one other things that happen between the event and the computer swiftly remove all thoughts of blogging. But, I am doing my best, keep on me and eventually I'll post something!

I may have mentioned once or twice :-) that five times a day in Saudi Arabia there is prayer. At this time, everything closes...restaurants, shops, etc so that the population can go to prayer. Here there is a mosque on almost every corner as, from what I understand, it is the goal to have a mosque within walking distance of every citizen. During prayer, everything closes for between 20 and 45 minutes. So, the smart errand runner gets to where ever they are going at least 5 minutes before prayer so that when the doors close, and the lights turn off, one is inside doing their business instead of locked outside waiting for the doors to open. Need to go to the grocery store? Why not time it so that you can be locked inside in the piece and quiet, gather the items you need and find yourself at the front of the line at the check out counter when the store reopens. Want some Chinese food? Get to the restaurant in plenty of time to look at the menu and order and then eat during prayer time when you'd be sitting inside anyway. Today as we were sitting eating our lunch and the call to prayer started, and the restaurant lights dimmed I was thinking about how it really is an exercise in keeping up appearances. Not everybody runs to prayer five times a day. Where ever you are, you see people waiting...waiting....waiting...for prayer time to end. Yet, if the doors are locked and the lights are dimmed it appears from the outside that nothing is going on on the inside.

On the other hand, maybe the point isn't to keep up appearances. Maybe the powers that be understand that in Saudi Arabia about 1/5 of the population is foreign workers who may or may not be muslim. Maybe the fact that people are allowed to continue their business despite it being prayer time is an extended courtesy. A sign that there is an understanding that not everybody in this land, a muslim land, is muslim. To this I can only say: Thank you! Thank-you for letting me finish my lunch! Thank you for letting me finish my grocery shopping! Thank you for not making me suffer for not sharing your religious views.

A Day in the Life

Today I ventured out again. Really, it isn't so often that I get out of the compound. With the prayer times and such I find that mostly I am at home or traveling between compounds. In general, if I need to do anything, I try to get it done between 9:00 and 11:30. Everything closes at 12:00 until 16:00. And now, the Dhuar prayer (1st prayer after sunrise) is so early, 11:39 that really all errands must be completed by 11:30. My hairdresser, however, does not close for prayer! So, today I got a haircut.

My driver picked me up at 9:30 and off we went. When we left the compound there were about 20 cars out front. Police and military. You always know when something is up here because the compounds are immediately surrounded by police and military. Although I get a lot of information from various places...the embassy, my husbands security office at work, the womanly rumor mill of the compound...I usually ask my driver what is happening. He usually seems to have an answer for me. Once he told me that two terrorists had crossed the boarder into Saudi. This was right after a security warning was sent from the embassy and a friend suggested I stay close to the compound and not run any errands for awhile. This time it was an iquama crack-down. Apparently on the Saudi national day, the King pardoned all individuals here illegally and gave them until March to leave the country without reprimand. In conjunction with this, there are road blocks all over Riyadh with police checking iquamas. The westerners aren't bothered, they only look at the middle and east asians and africans.

We continued toward the salon and as we neared my driver pointed out a building that was a prison. A prison? Yes, a prison for people who have received sentence of 6 months or less. At this I said, "Really? What type of offence would get a sentence of 6 months or less?" My driver answered, "Drugs for instance" Drugs!!! I thought it was sward to the back of the neck for a drug offense. No he said, only if you traffic drugs from outside and bring them in to Saudi. If you are in the country selling drugs or taking drugs it is another matter. Interesting.

I have actually heard that among the teenagers here drugs are a big problem. Here in the compound there are several people workings at schools and they talk a lot about drugs being a problem. But also in the compound apparently it is a problem. I wasn't expecting this.

At the salon I took off my abaya and placed it in my bag. The salon is really a women's center and has shopping, cafe, spa, gym, nursery. So, no abaya needed. Most of the women I know choose to get their haircut on compound. All of the big compounds have a beauty salon. But, I think it is fun to go off compound. Here I get to see middle eastern women and listen to the chatter. It is really a fun outing I think. I could see that I wasn't going to make it back in time to get the little one from nursery so I called our maid and asked her to pick him up and feed him. (Maybe this maid thing isn't such a bad idea after all). After getting my haircut I decided to get my eyebrows shaped a little. I have to admit, I was a little bit nervous. I had never done this before in Riyadh and I am not the best person for handling pain. I was shown into a little room and asked to lay down on what looked like a massage table. The woman took out a long piece of thread, held it at one end in her mouth, did some kind of twisting and pulling and voilá nicely shaped eyebrows. And it was painless!!

The blow came when she asked me if I wanted her to do my upper lip!! What!! Do I have hair there??? (Of course I have a little peach fuzz but hey, doesn't everybody?? Not enough that anybody would notice??? Or, have I been running around my entire life with people thinking, you know, she really should do something about that hairy upper lip!! LOL!) And then when I was paying: Ok, you had a cut, color, eyebrows, and MUSTACHE.

Saudi Gazette's Tips on Being a Successful Husband

Saudi Gazette Friday, Oct 8, 2010

10 tips on how to be a successful husband:

1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good

When was the last time we men went shopping for designer pyjamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the cutest names for your wife.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Don't treat her like a fly.

We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day --which brings no attention from the husband--until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this. Recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. If you see wrong on the part of your wife, try being silent and do not comment!

This is one of the ways the Prophet (peace be upon him) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (may Allah be pleased with them). It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often.

Smiling is charity and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when the Prophet (peace be upon him) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her for all that she does for you.

Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be: thank her!

7. Ask her to write down the last 10 things you did for her that made her happy.

Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.

8. Don't belittle her desires.

Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet (peace be upon him) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous and play games with your wife.

Look at how the Prophet (peace be upon him) would race with his wife Ayesha (may Allah be pleased with her) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Be the best

Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him): "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best.

There are Adventures and then there are Adventures!

I think the adventures that my husband and I are having may not be one in the same. Take today's events for example:

My husband is currently working very close to the Yemenese border. So close that he can see the homes in Yemen and compare them to the homes in Saudi Arabia. He flew out of Riyadh yesterday and will work where he is now working for a few days. This morning, he jumped into a car to start the day. The day started with 6 cars, 2 filled with engineer types and 4 filled with bodyguard types, hitting the road. They then went off road onto unpaved hilly terrain to survey the area. At times (as he relayed the experience to me) he was not sure if the vehicle he was riding in would manage the gradient it was encouraged to travel on. This went on for hours. Finally when they broke for lunch at 4:00pm he sat with a group of local border patrol ("These are simple people" I think were my husband's exact words) around a whole grilled lamb (he assumed) and started pulling the meat from the bones. When the special guests had finished, the lower ranks were allowed to eat the left-overs.

At this I asked, did you take pictures (I must admit, I fantasized a little about National Geographic with this story)?

I hope he is taking a moment to realize what a fantastic experience this really is...I wish I could've been there! Although, I probably would have started crying with the car ride!

Succombing to the Powers That Be

Ok, ok, it may not be the most interesting of topics and by now you may be yawning at the thought of reading yet one more entry about having or not having a driver...but, be forewarned, here I go:

So, today our driver-in-a-pinch showed up on time as scheduled. Picked up myself, my 5 year old and the baby. Drove us to nursery school where I dropped off the baby and then drove us to school to drop of the 5 year old.

On the way he asks me:

"You have no driver? I thought you had a driver?"

"No," I reply "we don't have a driver. We've been thinking about it but don't really know what we want."

"You want driver with accommodation or without?"

"Without"

"You want driver with car or not"

"Without"

"You tell me how much you pay, I'll drive, I have car, I have everything. You tell me how much?"

Now all of a sudden I am intrigued. Part of the reason the driver thing has been difficult for me is that, at the end of the day, it is myself and the kids spending time with the driver. I haven't been so keen on "trying out" driver after driver, getting to know, seeing if the kids like, etc. etc. a person that we will come to rely on. The entire thing makes me well, tired just thinking about it. But, this man we feel as if we know. He has been driving us from time to time over the entire time we have been here. When we were staying at the hotel in the beginning, he drove the kids and I everywhere...so, to me this doesn't sound like a bad idea. To top it off, he wouldn't have to drive our car and our 5 year old LOVES him!

So, what's the problem?

Part of the problem, for me, is simply the thought of having a driver. We already have a live-in maid and now we are considering adding a driver to the list of our household employees.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been talking to people trying to get information on what they have their drivers do, how much people pay, and so on, and so forth. I had one conversation that went a little something like this:

"Do you employ your driver yourself?"

"No, no, my husband's company provides a driver. Once you reach a certain level in the company they just give you one."

At this point I am already disappointed in the conversation and don't want to take it further. I am completely unimpressed. What do I care what your husband does or if a driver is included in his benefit package. Is it now my turn to give a detailed reporting of what my husband does? What is included in his package? Or what I do? It isn't a contest.....or, is it? If it is, it is certainly a contest I do not want to compete in. (But, now as I write this I see that it was I who asked the question. Am I overly sensitive? I do not want to become that person that can only talk about position as if trying to carve out some kind of pecking order. I am a social worker for goodness sake, you know empowering the vulnerable...what am I doing here with a maid and a maybe driver??)

Then, the friend --all the while admiring her newly manicured fingernails--pipes in.

"You'll find that they don't do anything. The drivers, the maids, you really have to stay on them all the time to get them to work."

(No, they don't do anything, they just leave their families to come here to make the minimalist of wages working unbelievable hours to clean up your

c -r -a -p!)

Then, woman no. 1 "Yes, we just seem to go through the maids and drivers. Although our nanny has been with us for years".

To this I can only reply in my kindest of voices, "Well, we aren't looking for a nanny, we can take care of our own children."

I politely thanked them for their time and left. That's it. I decided. There is NO WAY we are getting a driver.

This morning however, when we arrived at the compound which houses our 5 year old's school. I walked up to security and told them that I would like another pass so that driver-in-a-pinch could drive onto the compound. They informed me that they thought the 2 passes that I had (for the compound's drivers that pick up after school) were plenty and probably would not issue a 3rd. So...it is a problem. I need a driver for when hubby can't drop of at school and neither of the drivers from the compound that have a pass can do that. --and, everybody around me probably thinks I am crazy...JUST GET A DRIVER ALREADY!)

Fast forward a week after deciding to definitely NOT have a driver and I believe our driver-in-a-pinch is going to become our personal salaried driver. Oh the torment and relief all at the same time.

Another Week, Another Adventure

We've been contemplating getting a driver. I must admit, I have a difficult time with the idea. Nine times out of ten we really don't need a driver, but there is that one time where I find myself thinking "Why don't we have a driver?!!" Today is one of those days.

The man of the house, had to go out of town for work again. So, as we face the start of a new week I am left wondering how to make things happen without a car. Dad usually takes the 5 year old to school in the mornings. I usually walk the baby to nursery. So, I thought well, I'll just call the compound and arrange a car for the morning to take us all to nursery and then to school. Nope. No can do. No cars available until 8:45.

Ok, no problem, I'll call our "driver in a pinch". No problem..pick-up at 7:50. We'll be a little late for school but, hey, it could happen to anybody. Unfortunately our "driver in a pinch" doesn't have authorization to drive onto the compound where the school is...so I'm going to see if we can't get him a pass also. Problem solved...I hope.

But, what if there were an emergency? Right here, right now? Somebody gets sick or, I don't know. I really don't even want to imagine. I can't go to the neighbor and ask him to take me anywhere. As I am not his wife (or daughter, or sister.....etc), I am not allowed to be in the car with him. So, maybe the 1 time out of 1,000,000,000,000 (I really want to add more zeros here because, well, nobody wants an emergency, right?) makes the full-time driver worth it??

I don't know.

Back to the Desert

We've now been back in Riyadh about a week after returning from vacation in Europe. It takes a little while to get back into the swing of things. I was actually wondering how it would feel to return to Riyadh after over two weeks away but it felt a little like coming home. Lots of unpacking, laundry, getting kids ready for school, going back to work, grocery shopping, you know, the usual.

The time back has reminded me of how friendly the people here are and how much they LOVE children. Just about everybody comments on the kids...it is really fascinating. The Saudis, Indians, Pakistanis, Sri Lankans, Filipinos...all are so incredibly, incredibly, in love with children, I have never experienced a place where person, after person, comments on, touches, asks if they can kiss, or otherwise SEES the kids. On the compound, however, I am a little weary. I am becoming increasingly skeptical about an environment in which children have so much freedom and seem for the most part to be raising themselves.

On our cul-de-sac there are 6 houses. In these 6 houses live at least 11 children. It could be more because I haven't really met two of the families yet. There are at least 4 nannies on our street. In general, the nannies are full-time/live-in nannies which pretty much means they work all day 6 days per week. Multiply all this by 50 and you pretty much have our compound. 300 homes, 550 children 150 nannies---conservatively.

Maybe because of the fact that we are walled in, parents seem to feel that their children are safer here than at home. I hear it quite frequently:

"Oh, it is such a safe place for children"
"We could never allow him/her to do at home what they can do here"
"He/she would never have the level of independence he/she has here"

So, much to my husband's dismay, I have started asking "why?"

It seems as though people believe that compound life in KSA is a safer environment than "home" for two main reasons. First the traffic, the independence of children is hampered by the amount of traffic back home. Second, risk of being "snatched", the independence of children is hampered by the risk of being kidnapped or worse back home.

I am not sure that this is really the case. At certain times of the day there are quite a few HUGE SUVs driving these streets and who is living in the compound but a bunch of random people from other countries? But more than this I am forced to ask myself: Are these the only dangers in the world for children? Is that the only job of a parent--making sure that kids don't get hit by cars or get kidnapped? And, what dangers are here that aren't present back home?

Increasingly, I am beginning to believe that the extent to which nannies are used to take care of children here is a ... danger. In an extreme and apparent class society, the nannies are little more than indentured servants. (And it seems as though many of the westerners here have forgotten where they come from and are perfectly comfortable in exploiting the balance of things.). Their job is not to raise children or help them learn valuable social lessons. Yet, here on compound, children spend the majority of their time with nannies.

I have seen children, pull the hair of, kick, hit and spit on nannies while the nannies laugh. I have seen children throw toys at babies while nannies sit and chat with each other. I have seen nannies ask children to behave while time and again the children don't listen. I have had children come home to us and ask for food when they have not been fed by their nanny. I have seen young children out wandering alone while groups of nannies congregate in the common area, etc, etc, etc

I am left wondering if living here is really much safer for children or if somehow people have been lulled into a false sense of security.

Or, maybe, I'm just too uptight.

Ramadan Kareem

Last night I had a dream. I was sitting in the back of my chauffeur driven car, riding down Göteborgsvägen when I spotted a Starbucks. (In this one sentence, my three worlds of USA, Sweden and KSA have collided) I asked the driver to pull over so I could get a coffee. He stopped and let me out and pulled away as there was no parking. As I walked up to the Starbucks I could tell right away that it was for men only. How could I tell? Well, through the glass windows I could see right away that there were no private seating areas. That is, tables with curtains or partitions around them. I decided to play dumb and walk in anyway.

"Sorry ma'am, this is the men's section"

I looked around, not really knowing what to do with myself (I really wanted a grande two-pump no whip extra hot mocha), and the man behind the counter nodded his head toward....when I looked it was another Starbucks right next door. It was right out the front door, the two cafés were looking at each other. (How did I not see that at the beginning of my dream??) I walked over and it was jam packed with people. I don't remember ordering my coffee...what I do remember was walking out up Göteborgsvägen to a large square where Krokslatt should've been.

Here, there was, what I would call a festival on Thailand. Flags were waiving, people were singing. It was lively and a lot of fun. I however, had to get to school to pick up my daughter so I decided to head back to the car. When I walked passed the woman singing, I heard her say (in Swedish) to her accompaniest "Kom igen, nu, vi kör denna igen". I thought, wow, that woman from Thailand can speak Swedish.

And, then I looked up and wondered, "Where is my car? I hope he didn't leave thinking I didn't need him any more. Where could he have gone??"

And then I woke-up.

Now, normally, I would be wondering "what does it mean" But today I am completely convinced that I know exactly what it means...it was a re-cap of my week.

First, I am drinking a lot of coffee. We purchased a Nespresso machine and it is just way too easy to get a good cup of coffee quickly. And KSA being what it is, we call to order more coffee and they deliver it, same day, to our doorstep...this is true for a lot of things...many restaurants deliver, yes, even McDonalds. There are grocery stores that will come and pick you up at your doorstep and take you to do your shopping and return you at home for free....I wonder if there is home delivery of groceries...I haven't checked into that yet.

Second, I think we have pretty much decided that we need a driver. So, we have been asking everybody that we can think of if they know anybody. I have asked everybody I know that has a driver if their driver has a friend who may need a job, I have asked the drivers that we have used and even drivers that I have seen regularly if they have friends that may be looking for work. No luck. With the decision to hire a driver we have decided not to have a full-time maid any more. That was a little difficult. Telling our maid that she should look for work elsewhere. She is from Sri Lanka and sends all of the money that she earns home so that her children can go to school. She returns home about once a year to see them. It really is a bizarre world that we live in.

Third, I had my first experience with not being able to go into an establishement because I was a woman the other day. We went out to get some take-out and went to a well known for Riyadh Lebenese restaurant. As soon as we pulled up I sensed that I wasn't going to be able to go in. The front of the restaurant was all glass and it was very well lit. I didn't see any booths only a few tables in the center of the establishment. My husband being a man doesn't really have to think about these things. I said to him, maybe you should go in and see if I can come in and if not you can bring a menu out. Sure enough, he came back right away with a menu. So, we sat in the car and looked through the menu, circled the items we wanted, and he went back inside to order. Then he came out and waited with me.

As I was sitting in the car watching all of the men get out of their cars, go in and order, and come out with there little packages of dinner to go, I tried to imagine, how it must be for the typical Arab.

It may seem from afar that women get the short end of the stick in this society but, I wonder if that is really the case in practice. Here, it is families that are the social network. When you go into a shopping mall, people travel in entourages...4, 5, 6 , people-- men, women and children walk together. Or, large groups of women, but, I have yet to see large groups of men doing things together. Even at this restaurant, that was men only, people were coming and picking up loads of food to take back to their, I can only assume... families. There weren't any groups of men just hanging out having a good time.

I also saw men with little girls with them. Daddys and daughters I assume. The little girls were allowed to run around in and out of the restaurant, no problem. I wondered how it must be for these little girls when they no longer get to go with daddy to pick up dinner. Is it a disappointment for these girls or is it a sign of maturity...something that many coming-of-age children long for--acknowledgement from their elders that they are no longer children. I don't know, it would be interesting to ask.

I have a difficult time believing today that this is an awful place for women. At least, I am not sure that it is any more awful for women than it is for men, especially young single men. (For young single men, I believe, although I don't know, that KSA is a rather difficult place to be) Before we came, everybody was suspicious about the treatment of women in this country. But when I walk around I see women holding their heads high, in control, warm, lively, outgoing, stylish, confident.....These attributes just don't seem to be in-line with a group that is oppressed and poorly treated as a whole.

But I have met (western) women here that say that they feel disgust when they see the women walking around in their abayas and hijab. What do they see that I don't? (and now as I write it I am thinking, am I that insensitive???). Of course, I am just brushing society, not in it.

I think the thing that may be most bothersome for me isn't the segregation of the sexes, isn't the abaya, isn't the hijab, isn't the not being able to drive. Getting a taxi here is no different than getting a taxi anyplace else, taking off my abaya when I go in to get my haircut is no different than taking off my coat when I come in from the rain..the segretgation is new, but I rarely notice it. What is most unsettling maybe is that those that would like something different are not able to leave here at will. That as a woman one must be given permission to leave the country. (I think that even Saudi men have to apply to exit but women need their husband or guardian to give them permission to exit). Even myself, a "free" (as free as any of us can be...which, if you have ever tried to move between countries, isn't very and aren't we all captive of our culture? and a laundry list of other things?) western woman needed my husband to apply for my exit visa.

OK where was I? Fourth, yes fourth. Fourth is that it is Ramadan. Which means (for us at least) NOTHING is happening. Everything is closed until 8:00 or 9:00 at night when it opens until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning...restaurants, shopping, beauty salons, etc, etc, etc. As Muslims do not eat during daylight hours during Ramadan the entire country has changed its rhythm--namely, night is day and day is night. People sleep later, and are up all night. Even our western Muslim expat friends who are here are not used to it. It must be so wonderful for them to have an entire country celebrating with them. We, however, still keep our normal routine. Up at 5am bed at...well, it is so early its embarrassing! Do I want to come in for a haircut sometime between 8:30pm and 3:30am??? I'd be snoring in the chair! So, I don't know, maybe my subconscious was longing for (a) a festival, (b) some excitement or (c) a vacation...which I am getting tomorrow..so problem solved :-)

Going to School in the Kingdom

Thanks so much for all of the emails!!! It is so fun to see that people are actually enjoying reading my little blog :-) . I wasn't really sure I had it in me (and really, I'm still not) but, the encouragement makes it easire for me to sit down and write a little bit about what is happening in our lives. Even those of you that write and say that I am terrible at updating the blog---you know who you are!!! In my defense, I have been slammed with an application for research funding at the same time that hubby has been away for work...but, application IN, hubby BACK! And, nobody has commented on spelling or grammer, or typos...and please don't. I'm getting this out of me as quickly as possible...I don't have time to proof-read :-)

So today (well, ok, I started writing this two days ago!) marks the end of our 5 year old daughter's first week of school. Yes, it is Wednesday. Here, Thursday and Friday are the weekend and the normal working week and school week starts on Saturday. It may go without saying that I was a little nervous-about school, not the weekend :-). Her school isn't too far away, about 20 minutes door to door but it seems much farther when I can't drive myself and can not count on a car being available at my beckon call, and of course the obsticle course of exiting and entering compounds makes everything seem much farther away than it actually is.

Wondering how the week went? Here's a re-cap:

First, I had to schedule a car to pick up our daughter. The plan was that my husband would drop her off and I would pick her up. In order for me to pick her up I had to find a driver that would come and pick me up, pick the car seat up and then go pick her up and bring us all home. There is a school bus here but it doesn't go to her school. She is the only child from this compound going to that school. The word on the street is that some parents send their children with drivers. This cuts the cost and the time dedication on the parent's side but, I prefer to be along for the ride. First I called the driver we usually use, and asked how much he would charge to take me to pick her up every day. His response was "expensive"...He wasn't kidding. He wanted about 1200 Riyals per month ($ 400 / 2500 SEK). So I called the compound and they said it would cost us about half that. So I scheduled a car through the compound.

I asked if we could have the same driver everyday and they said no..but then I provided them with a list of documents and information that they needed to provide in order to drive onto the compound to get to the school (OK, I started to write the list, but then my husband's voice in the back of my head saying "you can't do that" put a halt to my plans):

Just know, it was a long list--according to my humble standards...our compound then informed us that they would give me the details on two drivers so if one would happen to be sick or held up there would always be another driver available to pick up our little sunshine :-)

Day 1

On day 1 I thought it may be best to leave our one year old at home with the maid. So 75% of our family piled into the car while 25% stayed behind. I didn't like it. But, such is life. Our car was thankfully allowed to pass through the gates of the compound upon which the school is located (btw, my husband was also required to leave the long list of info/docs in order to be able to drive his car onto the compound).

The plan was that I would stay the day. Day 1 was a 1/2 day ending at 12.00, right after lunch. After about an hour my daughter had completely forgotten about me so I went to the restaurant and had a cup of coffee. Luckily there was another mom there that wanted to join me for coffe and wouldn't you know, she ended up being very nice and open and we had a really nice time. After coffee, we walked over to her house where we stayed until we walked back to pick up the kids. When the day ended...no car. Where was our car?? (And, where was the car seat??? Right, we forgot it in daddy's car...arrrghhhhh!)

I call my compound to find out where the car is:

"Its waiting at the parking lot ma'am, they wont let him come in"

What??!! The parking lot is outside of the compound outside of two checkpoints, we can't walk that far...(well, I could ---although, it would be HOT, HOT, HOT, remember I am in an abaya if I go outside of the compound--- but not the daughter). So, the school called a car from inside the compound to drive us outside of the compound so that we could change cars and go home.

WHAT A NIGHTMARE FOR A VERY IMPATIENT, LOOKING FOR THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY OF DOING EVERYTHING AT ALL TIMES PERSON SUCH AS MYSELF!!!!! OH HOW I HATE WAITING AND OH HOW I HATE HASTLES!!!! AND WHAT I HATE MORE THAN EXPERIENCING THESE THINGS MYSELF IS HAVING MY DAUGHTER EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS!!! ROSE PETTALS SHOULD FALL AT HER FEET AND SEAS SHOULD PART AT HER ARRIVAL. OK, maybe that was a little over the top but, really, it's 50 degrees out, she's been at a new school, new kids, new teachers...does she really now have to hop into a car with her stuff for a ride to another car, out in the heat, into the new car.....really??? This is certainly going to prove to be a test of my ability to let it go, go with the flow, and keep smiling :-)

Although she had a great time, the evening was spent doing lots of crying. I think it was the first day at the new school that really made her realize that she would not be going back to her old pre-school, she would not be spending the day with her favorite people, and that she was going to have to learn the ins and outs of this new environment. All good lessons in life, lessons that would come sooner or later, but I would be lying if I said my heart didn't hurt a little and the thought "have we done the right thing??" didn't cross my mind. So, after kids went to bed, mom called hubby and off-loaded! And you all know what that means :-)

Day 2.

Day 2 was a full day. 8:00am - 2:00pm. At 2:00am on Day 2, hubby had flown to Germany for work so the kids and I were solo. This meant that we had to have a driver for both drop off in the am and pick-up in the afternoon. I decided to bring little brother along so at 8:00 am, we piled a stroller, three packed bags, two car seats, two kids and a mom into the car that arrived. And, remember, even at 8:00am it is HOT outside!! Not plesant, not warm, HOT!! I hurridly put on my abaya in the car between our house and the gates. When we got to the compound where the school is located, they waved us right on. Right on! :-) We pulled up to the school and I wondered what to do about the car seats....take them in with me or...I asked the driver if he could have them in his trunk. He wasn't sure that he would be picking us up so he said that he would take them back to the house (good thing we have the maid, somebody always at home to open the door!!) and tell the afternoon driver to pick them up before coming to pick us up.

Day 2 was pretty similar to Day 1, after about 30-60 minutes at school, our 5 year old forgot I was there and was running around with her new found friends. And, watching her really put me at ease. I have experienced her previously as a leader. Often , her friends want to do what she is doing. She is often surrounded by lots of kids. And this morning I again saw this tendancy for the other kids to flock around her....she seemed in her element surrounded by a group of children showing them something that she was doing or leadning some sort of make-believe game. At the same time, our son was taking controll of the situation-- in there with the rest of the 5 year olds as if it was the most natural place in the world for him to be. I could have gone home and nobody would have noticed.

Insead, I phoned my new found mom-friend and asked if I could pop by. So, I spent the morning kid free, drinking coffee and chatting. Right before lunch I walked back to the school and went to lunch with the kids. It really seemed awfully luxurious for a pre-school lunch. The kids walked over to the restaurant, past the pools and recreation area and sat in the openness of the restaurant looking out over the swimming pools. Waiter's waiting to serve. On the walk over the principal asked

"Do you want to eat lunch with us?"

I was actually planning on sitting in another section and ordering my own lunch.

"Uh, I don't eat kids' food" I replied (Is that terrible????)

He told me that the food was good, so despite my better judgement I ate with them and IT WAS really good food. I was impressed!

At 12:00 we decided to leave school and go to one of the other childrens' homes. The kids played for a couple hours and then it was time for us to meet our driver. But, where was he??? We called a service car to take me to the parking lot. I asked if he could drive by the school first to see if our driver was there. The driver called to security and was told that our driver was waiting in the parking lot for us. So, into car #1 with stroller, 3 bags, 2 kids, and myself, abaya on and out into the real world. What did we find in the parking log? NO CAR. The man at the security said he didn't let any car on so I called my compound. Where is the car?

"He's waiting at the school, ma'am"

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, we waited while our car exited the compound, came to the parking lot and picked us up.

Oh, how I hope this gets easier!!!

Day 3

Day 3 was the first day I decided to return home after dropping of our daughter. The car came at 8:00 as usual, I put the two car seats in the car, didn't take the stroller because we would be returning home, didn't take a bag packed with necessitites for the day for the baby because we would be returning home, pilled in the kids, hoped in myself. This ritual takes 11 minutes from begining to end----yes, I timed it. 11 minutes in the heat, lifting, carrying, holding wiggling kids...bending over car seats and buckling....11 minutes!! Car arrives at 8:00 we leave the house at 8:11. I'm not a diva or anything but you know that feeling when you start the day sweaty and grimy and then over all of that sweat and grime I put on an abaya that just locks it all in...yum, fresh, disgusting (or how the 5-year old says it, excusting)!

Our little girl cried the entire way to school. She did not want me to leave. I tried to explain that there is no difference between me walking around, drinking coffee, visiting with people or going back home. I think she kind of got this. And, besides, I had no choice, I didn't bring a stoller or anything for little brother. She's rather a smart cookie though and told me that I could go back home and pick up all of these things and come back. I held firm though.

We were again let right onto the compound with a wave and a smile.

Her teacher is rather smart---or lucky (for me). He doesn't start the day with any "circle time" or any thing like that, they start by singing two songs...and then right away he has an activity for them that usually includes running around. As soon as this starts, she forgets about me because she is having so much fun. So after staying about 15 minutes I could say, ok I'm going to go now, kiss and hug. I get my kiss and hug and she bolts! I love it when I don't have to be the bad guy!

In the afternoon, the car came 30minutes early to pcik me up! So the daughter got to come home 1/2 an hour early. We were let right onto the compound with no problem. Ok, this IS getting easier!

Day 4

Day 4 was pretty much like Day 3. Minus the tears.....definately getting easier.

Day 5

Wednesdays are half-days at school. The kids go home at 12.00. This Wed the school had a swim day. I don't know about you but I am scared stiff of my kids drowning. In our compound there are 8 swimming pools! Our daughter's class is 10 kids with 1 teacher....I'm coming with. So, I packed up our usual 3 bags + 1 bag for swimming stuff, arm puffs, kick board, towels, etc. Carried out the stroller--yup, little brother is coming with, the two car seats, etc, etc. I was feeling rather proud of myself for getting everything out of the house and on the curb before the car arrived. But, then, I thought that the baby felt a little warm. Yup, FEVER!!!!! Oh, goodness....dilema, send 5 year old into harms way ( DROWNING IS THE SECOND LARGEST CAUSE OF UNINTENTIONAL DEATH AMOUNG CHILDREN IN THE US!!!!! ) and leave feverish one-year-old at home with maid OR send 5 year old alone despite my promise to go with and stay with baby??? Well, I chose option number 1..the drowning thing really gives me nightmares, I would never have been able to handle her going without me. I probably would have taken the little guy with us had it not been for the heat!! But, antoher day this week that I was extremely thankful for the maid!!!!!

The car was kindly waved onto the compound, no problem.

We swam and had a really GREAT time.

12:00 NO CAR. Where is the car???

12:15 I call my compound he's on his way

12:16 maid calls,

"Ma'am they wont let the car onto the compound. He's waiting outside"

"Tell him to try again, we are waiting here, we are not taking a car out and changing we are not moving! Tell him he must try again!"

I walk into the principal's office---call your security and tell them to let my driver on!!

12:20 Car arrives

"Ma'am, 20 minutes I been waiting!"

"Yes, but you need to call me and let me know if there is a problem. You drop us at the school, you pick us up at the school"

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But hey, I'd say all in all week 1 was a success and it can only get better.

Grocery Shopping in the Kingdom

Certainly not all but, thus far at least, a good majority of my interesting experiences have happened while grocery shopping. The kind of experiences that make one stop and say, "Right, I'm not in Kansas any more." But then there are some not-so-strange experiences that have made me stop and say "Right, maybe Kansas isn't so unlike this place after all"

Then again, when was I ever in Kansas?

Take for instance the other day. I had promised my 5 year old a day out shopping. She really wants a Ken doll. (What was once dismay at the love for Barbi my daughter has developed is now utter admiration at how she can get so involved in play with 5 Barbis simultaneously---her imagination does not quit!). Anyway, here in the Kingdom Barbi can be found in a mass of varieties, there is also the Islamic verstion of Barbi, Fulla--she's also pretty snazzy. And then of course there are the Hanna Montana dolls, the High School Musical Dolls, and a gazillion no-name dolls that, well, I don't know the name of.

Not being able to drive I called our driver and asked if he could spend 1/2 a day with us. He took us around and no luck finding a Ken doll. We had some other errands, so we did those and then finished up at the grocery store. I had my cart filled with the items I wanted to buy and since it was a new store that we had never been to before we just killed some time looking around. There are some amazing sweets here and of course we had to put a couple of new varieties in our cart..and then, the eyes of a 5 year old spyed some fun girlie dresses and the toy section. Nope, no Ken doll. Then we mozied over the the check-out...right in time to see the doors lowering, the cashiers closing up shop and the lights dimming... PRAYER TIME!!! When will I learn??

In this country in which prayer heppens 5 times a day, there is no time for browsing, otherwise you get locked in where ever you are until prayer time is over. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but I was feeling rather dumb for not paying attention. I guess I have to start setting an alarm or something. I called the driver, told him we wouldn't need him for the next 45 minutes because we were locked in. Opened up some snacks and water for my duaghter and waited. Thank goodness she didn't need to go to the bathroom until after the doors opened!!!

Now, just in case you're wondering, we weren't the only people locked in. No, not every muslim runs off to prayer time at prayer time. But, places of business do close for prayer time at prayer time.

When the tills were opened again we were quickly shown to the front of one of the lines (I can only guess that because I am a woman and because I had a child with me, I got priority). The man in line behind us came over quickly and unloaded all of our groceries onto the band for us. This has happened many times. Nice, nice helpful people.

Then there was the time when neither my credit card nor debit card would work at the check-out at the grocery store. The check-out clerks were all very nice and helpful running this way and that trying to find a point-of-sale machine that would work..supervisors were coming by trying to fix the situation. Then, the woman behind me in line asked if I didn't just want to borrow the 700 (200ish dollars) some odd riyals and take her phone number so that I could call her when I wanted to pay her back. I ended up waking to the ATM while my bagged groceries waited for me and paid in cash. But, when has any stranger ever offered to pay for my grocieries before???

Today I planned a little bit better, or at least I thought. I called the driver and asked him to get us to the grocery store right before prayer time...then they could lock us in at the begining!! Yeah! Good thinking! So, we got dropped off and I said that we would be about an hour...My 5 year old and I started with the toy section...lots of Barbis, no Ken doll...no boy dolls for that matter. Then we shopped in the piece and quiet of a locked up grocery store. When we were coming out of the dairy section a woman stopped us and asked where we purchaced my daughters shoes. I was, I must admit, a little impressed with myself. I remembered the name of the mall and the name of the store :-) ...what a pro! Then my phone rang.

"Ma'am, please, 10 more minutes only"

I looked at the time...it had been 1 1/2 hrs since we had been dropped off, the driver had been waiting for us for 30 minutes !! I hadn't kept track of the time, and hadn't called to tell him we were running late. I suppose I could have asked him to come back later but, I really didn't want to wait for him to do something else and come back. So we headed for the check-out..hoping over, veggies, fruit, and bread.

I guess it will be a trip back to the grocery store tomorrow.

Reflections on my (short) past

I've noticed that what I have been writing about is mostly what I am experiencing and what I think about what I am experiencing. In some cases, that means that I am speculating...after gaining additional experience or information, my view may change as speculation is nothing more than well, speculation. I also see that some topics are more exciting or interesting to the people reading this blog. There have been a couple entries that people have really responded to with emails or questions. So, with this entry, I thought I would revisit a few of my earlier posts.

First, on the entry dated June 24, 2010, I briefly mentioned family dining in the hotel. Our first morning in Riyadh, when we all went down to breakfast, we were shown to a private section in the restaurant. I speculated that this was because we were a family. However, the kids and I had breakfast in the same restaurant for the 5 days following that initial visit and we were seated in the main dining room. Following those meals, the 4 of us had breakfast on our last days at the hotel together, and again we were seated in the main dining room with everybody else. Those last couple of days we actually thought that it would be nice to be seated in the more private area. So, I guess we weren't seated in the private are because we were a family, or maybe we were seated in the private area because we were a family. For whatever the reason, there wasn't any consistancy to it.

It seems to me that this separation of the sexes is mostly for show. In the malls women and men walk around and shop freely. During the evenings (the malls here are closed from 12.00-16.00 and reopen at 16.00 until sometimes past midnight) security may be monitoring the entrances in order to keep young single men out. In the food court, the walk-up-to-the-counter type restaurants have two lines. One for men and and one for families....but they aren't seperated by anything...maybe a partition.... and often families crowd out the men's line. Then in the eating area there is usually a men's (bachelor) section and a family section.

Some restaurants have curtains that can be drawn over the open side of a booth in order to increase privacy...but using the curtain is by no means manditory. We found ourselves eating lunch at IKEA and pulled the curtain to get away from the hustle and bustle around us and focus as a family on eating (which wasn't so easy considering what we were served!). But we have been to other restaurants where the "privacy" level was already very high--being seated at a high-backed booth for example-- where we haven't used the curtain.

We have been to a little hole in the wall (although this hole in the wall was rather large) Indian restaurant where we were turned away at the main entrance and showed a side door. The room that opened up inside was their family section. In other words, one entrance for men and another entrance for families. I think my husband was more bothered by this than I. What do I care? Who are these men anyway? I came to eat and I really only care about the 3 other people with me. We were served a great meal for pennies and probably could have feed 3 additional people for the amount of food we were served.

Similarly, we have been to restaurants in which men and women are being served and are eating freely in the same dining room. So, at the end of the day, I think it is for show. Or maybe it has to do with when the restaurant opened or who the clientelle are. The society here is becoming more relaxed with their stance on segregation of the sexes. The mutawwa are loosing their power. At certain times I have wondered if where we are seated depends more on who is watching than on any clear cut policy. In the end, I think what may be most important is not where we are seated but that we as a family are treated with kindness and respect. And, we have been. I have not once felt uncomfortable simply because I am a woman in Saudi Arabia.

But what is it about eating which makes it necessary to separate the sexes? The only other time I have encountered a separation was at the hospital. One waiting room for men and another for women. But when you are being helped, it may be either a man or woman taking your information, a man or a woman, examining you so in the end men and women are coming into contact with each other. My guess is that when men and women have time on their hands to chit-chat they are separated...while eating, or while waiting to be helped. But, even in the hospital men were sitting in the women's section and women and men were walking around. So, I must say it seems rather ineffective and relaxed.

Second, on July 6th I posted the entry "Mom's night out". In this entry I mentioned the Mutawwa. I've received quite a few emails asking about the Mutawwa. I don't know what really to say about them. I haven't really had any contact and all I have heard seems a little urban-myth-ish. My understanding of Mutawwa thus far is that they are religious police not THE police. They enforce their view of what is proper behavior according to their interpretation of the Qur'an. They are officially known as the "Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice". According to The Essential Guide to Customs and Culture: Saudi Arabia their roll is almost exclusively limited to the later. Apparently they have almost vanished in certain cities (like Jeddah) but are still alive and well in Riyadh. The stories I have heard are many, but I have yet to meet anybody that has run into them first hand or seen them whipping or shouting at anybody first hand. In general they would be looking for things such as the intermingling of the sexes in public, the amount of skin a woman shows in public, shows of affection in public, and such things. In a shopping mall the other day I saw a man and woman holding hands. I had heard that this was a definate no-no (something the Mutawwa would be all over--in a not so nice kind of way) but they didn't seem to be worried. So, I don't know....will I see mutawwa? Time will tell!

Lastly (and I am sure many of you had some reaction to this even if you weren't one of the people that emailed me) on July 17, I posted an entry about my breaking the law. The infractions were (1) riding in a vehicle with a man other than my mahram (a mahram is a husband, father, brother, or of-age son...in other words, an un-marry-able relative to a woman),

and (2) I wasn't wearing my abaya. After being asked several times about it and also getting some emails of worry and concern I thought, well, maybe I should just check into what could have happened had we been stopped.

I thought, who should I ask? Our maid has lived in Saudi for 3 years but has never set foot off of the compound..so, she was out. I wasn't sure I wanted to go to another expat...their information (I assumed) was probably about as good as mine. So I decided on one of our drivers. A man from Pakastan that has lived in KSA for 25+ years. I told him what had happened and asked specifically

"Is this illegal? What would happen if I were stopped?"

His response was "It isn't illegal what you did. Mutawwa are not police"

He told me that if I would have been walking around central Riyadh with no abaya it would have been a problem because that is where the Mutawwa are but in a car and traveling between compounds, wasn't anything to worry about. It isn't as if the Mutawwa are in cars pulling people over..they are walking around highly-populated areas (shopping malls, etc) looking for infractions. He also didn't seem to be too concerned about me riding with a man other than my mahram.

He asked, "was he western?"

"Yes" I responded.

"Then no problem" he said.

His response both surprised me and made me relax a little. But in the end, I can't help but wonder, is it really no big deal? I still think that it is better to be safe than sorry. A lot of what I think today is that although things may be coming more relaxed, one can still find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Often change happens slowly...I'm going to side on the conservative!

Breaking the Law...x2

We have had the good fortune of being asked quite frequently to do things. It seems as though as soon as people hear that a new family has arrived or see a family they haven't met before the invites start flooding in. Even the maids are bringing cakes and goodies.

Today we were invited to go for a swim at a nearby compound with a couple of other people that had heard we were new to Riyadh and wanted to extend a hello.

At 12.40 the kids and I took a shuttle from our compound to the compound that we were to visit. It was nice because the shuttle goes right to the front dooor and then off-load all of our bags (planning a day out by the pool with two kids at the home of perfect strangers means bags must be packed!). We started our visit by having lunch at the restaurant. The kids were a little tired so we went to the home of our host and relaxed for a little while. I thought maybe we should skip the swim as the children weren't really themselves and go home. I tried to call my husband several times but, no answer. Then we thought no biggie, we'll just get a car from the compound to take us. Unfortunately all of the phones were down at the compound. I then made a call to our compound and requested a car, nope all booked. After a few more calls to hubbie with no answer, we decided to go for a swim.

At the pool, my host called her husband who said that he could drive the kids and I home when he got home from work. He arrived, we dried off, said our good-byes and hopped into the car. Once outside of the compound gates he says to me:

"So now we're breaking the law two times"

It took me a moment to really understand what he was saying, "really?" I said.

"Yes, I should not be driving you and you are not wearing your abaya"

Oooops!!!

Domestic help

As well s being the most family friendly country I have ever been in, I would also say that Saudi Arabia is a country of luxury....at least for the privileged classes. Good service is standard and domestic help is more than common--it is the norm. That said, the discussion in our home about employing, for lack of a better word, a servant, has been ongoing. For the cost of 10 hours of cleaning in Sweden, we could hire a full-time housekeeper here in Riyadh. For us, this means less time doing chores, more time having fun with the kids.

However, employing a housekeeper (at least in our home) seems to be a much bigger question than that of cost. Does, for example, employing a full-time housekeeper mean that we are supporting an oppressive unjust system? Or, does it mean that we are giving a person in need of work a job with a much needed salary? Are we being fair by offering the going rate or are we exploiting the less fortunate? What is fair and just in a society that is not really a society as we know it but rather a conglomeration of families and tribes held together only by their religion on a mass of dessert land that is home to the birthplace of Abraham...father of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam? Bo Rothstein (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Institutions-Matter-Political-Institutional/dp/0521598931/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279258331&sr=8-1), where are you when I need you?

Another aspect that has been on our minds is how to manage the family dynamic with the addition of a housekeeper. How do we as parents show our children that all human beings deserve the same level of respect regardless of their work, salary, social class, religion, culture, language, etc, etc, etc? What type of relationship do we want our housekeeper to have with our children and our children to have with our housekeeper? How do we teach our children to pick-up and clean-up after themselves if we have somebody here doing it for them? A housekeeper adds a variable to our family equation that will mean for us as parents an additional amount of thoughtfulness and consideration. And what has been obvious for us is that the maids (that are really jack-of-all-trades: maids, nannies, cooks) really want to spend time with the children because a good majority have left their families back home to come to KSA to earn money to send home. We are just not the type of people that want others raising our kids.....sorry.

Somewhere between 30 and 50% of the Saudi population are foreign workers here on temporary visas. The Europeans, American's and Austrailianers taking the high-skilled jobs for which Saudi's are unqualified and the Asians and Africans taking the service jobs which are considered "beneath" the Saudi's. Go into any store or restaurant, for example and you will not see a Saudi national working but somebody from Pakistan or the Philippines or other Asian nation.

When we started talking about employing a maid, we were really on the fence about it. In Sweden we had a cleaning service come into our home about 10-15 hrs per month. So, we knew that we wanted something, but full time seemed a little over the top. We don't need a full time housekeeper.

We first met a lovely woman from Nigeria who we instantly liked. She had been referred to us by another family that we know. She was nice to the kids and very outgoing. As she said to us, "I really need the money!" She had a son and had to pay for his schooling so having a regular salary was really important to her. But, at the end of the day she lived to far away to make the trip to us every day. As women can't drive she would have had to take a taxi to and from our house every day and that journey would have eaten up a good chunk of her salary.

Next came a woman from Senegal who was referred to us by our driver. I loved listening to her talk with that French accent!! But, she was only looking for work during the summer, until "her family" (that is, the family that she regularly worked for) returned from vacation. She, however, had a sister. At this we decided to call the woman from Nigeria back and offer to pay for part of her travel expense so she could help us until we or she found something else. But then something happened. The phone started ringing off the hook and people started knocking on our door:

"You looking for maid, madam?"

Inside of the compound are two parallel universes. One of expat families, and one of employees--maids, gardeners, maintenance, wait staff, etc, etc and news had travelled fast that a new family had moved in.

We decided to test out the first woman that came knocking. A woman from Sri Lanka with an 11 year old back home. She wanted full time work and to "live-in". We have a maid's room (that does sound better than servants' quarters, doesn't it?????). We were really apprehensive about letting her live-in. For the most part because the standard of the maid's room is so much below the standard of the rest of the house. Our maid's room is, however, much larger than the other rooms I have seen for housekeepers, and it has its own private bathroom with its own entrance. So, comparatively, our maid's room is definitely nicer than the others we have seen. And, at the end of the day, she has no place to live right now as the family she had been working for 5 years, moved back to Pakistan last week. She moves in tomorrow, we'll see how it goes.

So, in three weeks we've gone from not wanting a full-time housekeeper to having a housekeeper live with us. Have we changed or have the circumstances???

Mom's night out

So this evening after dinner and following our after-dinner-swim, H put the kids to bed while I went to the grocery store. Not being able to drive puts some kinks in the normal routine of things. First, as we haven't had the chance to find a housekeeper / nanny, I can't run any errands without dragging the kids with me. Taking the kids with me to the grocery store really isn't a problem, however, since we don't have a full-time driver going to the grocery store in something other than our car with the kids means taking the kids in a car without car seats. (This doesn't seem to be a problem for a lot of people here. The locals have kids crawling all over the place in the car, it doesn't seem as if seatbelts are big here and although I've seen car seats sold here, I have yet to see one in a car). From the expats, I have gotten a surprised look when I say we don't have a driver...but, today at least, I just cant imagine that that is really necessary.

Anyway back to my story, so after the after-dinner-swim I called for a car, put on my abaya and ventured out on my own. Now, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but you may be thinking one of two things...(1) why is that such a big deal? or (2) you did what???!!! ;-) Well, really it isn't such a big deal. The crime rate in KSA is well below that of most major metropolitan areas in the US. That said, it is true that westerners are targets for crime. Just as various groups are targets in other, even western, nations. I think that from the outside there is this perspective that KSA is may be a dangerous place for women. I have not personally felt any more threatened here than any where else. On the contrary, I have found people to be as courteous, friendly, and helpful as in the US (sorry Sweden). And sure, anyplace is a dangerous place if you aren't respectful to the customs and culture or if you take unnecessary risks. And isn't it so that we are often frightened by that which we don't understand? OK, back to my story.

The car was on its way when I remembered that I didn't have any time left on my mobil phone...but then my all knowing and wise husband reminded me that I bought a mobil which took 2 sim cards so I could switch over to my Swedish plan and voila! Air time.

The car arrived and I told the driver to take me to the mall (the grocery store is adjacent to the mall) and asked him to wait outside. He quickly jotted down a telephone number on a tissue and told me that I could call when I was leaving the store...I re-read the number to him and got out of the car amidst a symphony of honking horns (oh, how people love to honk their horns here!). Once inside the mall I thought I should test the number but being the non-technological being that I am, it took me quite awhile to figure out how to switch from my Saudi sim to my Swedish sim. I stood there, with my shopping cart, phone, and tissue trying to figure it out, pressed some buttons and then the telephone wanted to restart and the entire time I am thinking "uh-oh, I hope I'm not stuck here without a phone." (and no car!)

As I am standing, staring at my telephone and wondering why, why, why. I hear for what I think is the 4th time "madam, please". What? Is somebody talking to me? I look up.

"Madam, please"

"Yes", I say.

"Madam, please, cover your hair".

I quickly took up my hijab and covered my hair...THE MUTAWWA! Could this man have been mutawwa? This madam please man? After all of the horror stories I have heard?

Mutawwa are the religious police and they enforce the form of Islam which is Saudi law but most conservatively in the Najd region and its capital, Riyadh. In KSA there is no separation of religion and state, there is no state without Islam. Everything is carried out, at least an attempt is made, according to the Koran (Q'ran). And the mutawwa have a baaaaaaad reputation.

I thought he would hiss at me...not this madam please. How comlpetely non-traumatic. Is KSA going to live up to any of the rumors??? ;-)

Not much happening

Well, I hate to say it but, there isn't much happening here. We've moved into our house but are still waiting for our belongings to arrive from Sweden. The weather keeps us from going out during the day for too long so unfortunately we are filling our time with the Disney Channel and a few toys that we have bought since our arrival. Apparently our belongings have been sitting at the airport since July 2 waiting for us to come and ask customs to let the shipment through to us....too bad nobody called us to tell us it was here. It took a phone call to Sweden to find out that our stuff had arrived...days ago.

Lucky for us, there are a lot of activities for children here. Our 5 year old has been bowling, played tennis, been to arts and crafts, played basketball, played tennis, and has passed on soccer...and of course swimming and a play room. All of these activities have been planned activities (except the swimming and play room) and take place at the Recreation Center about 4 blocks from us. There have been other children there but...where are the parents???

Our first compound activity for children was bowling. 12 kids all around 5, 6, 7 ish, no parents. Except me. I was a little surprised by this, but hey we're new so what do we know? The next activity, was tennis. There I saw two other moms. At arts and crafts I spoke with the other mom present "Where are all the parents" (I know I'm a little over protective, but am I really that over protective?)? Her two years of experience at this compound had led her to the following reply:

"You'll see that. The Americans don't hang out with their children, you'll see only maids/nannys; The european's are almost always with their children even if they have a maid/nanny; the middle easterners are never with their children, the maids/nannys do everything, even if the whole family is going out together the maid/nanny will go along to take care of the children"

After seeing the move to KSA as a real opportunity to spend more not less time with the kids I was surprised that more weren't taking advantage of the opportunity...

But, hey, at the end of the day, we're all different! ;-)

Correction

Well, I would love to have the energy to write about our pending move. Or my experience today buying a mobil phone. Or even our wonderful afternoon today with a lovely Pakistani family. BUT, all I have time for is a correction...my eyes just wont stay open for much longer. And the correction is:

Hijab -- headscarf that covers the neck and hair
Niqab-- veil that covers the face up to the eyes

Sorry...I wrote that both were HIjab.

Goodnight :-)

I miss my kitchen!!!

As with any move into a new home, compromises must be made. Maybe the bedrooms are a little too small or the bathrooms are a little too old, but, in the end, with patience and perserverence, one can find something that they can live with. In our case, in moving to Riyadh, the choice of housing was pretty much made for us. A newly built compound at the north east edge of the city. There are a lot of pluses with living someplace newly built: the kitchen and bathrooms are clean, new and equiped with updated appliances etc, nobody else has had the chance to bang up the walls, the materials havent had the chance to start cracking and disintegrating, etc, etc.

The new compound was scheduled to be ready for move in on June 1. That date got moved back to June 15 and when we arrived on June 24th it still wasn't ready for move in. After living in a hotel for a week, we were finally given a house on a compound other than that on which we had planned to move. We moved a few days ago. (that's why there have been no posts...no internet until today). Our new home lies within a compound which is described as the compound that "has set the benchark for other compounds to follow and is much sought after by the expatriate and corporate communities". That may be the case but...THE KITCHEN IS HIDEOUS! I miss my kitchen!!! Is a kitchen a small thing in the big picture? Ok, ok, now I'm getting sidetracked.

As I said, since coming to Riyadh we have been staying at a hotel. I'm not 100% sure the kids have appreciated being pent up in a room with next to no toys. It hasn't helped that we've been right in the middle of a really big city where pedestrian traffic is non-existant and the heat is...well, you know.

Staying at a hotel has, however, given us just the motivation we have needed to get out of the house...uh, room. And, in getting out of the house, the kids and I have had the opportunity to visit a few compounds.

How do I describe a compound? Well, take a housing development of about 100 - 400 units. Put a wall around it, add some barbed wire, armored cars, tanks, machine guns, parimeters, baracades, checkpoints, tyre shredders, rolling patrols, look-outs, and a platoon of national guard...oh yeah, and gladly a wall around that...voila! compound!

The first time I entered a compound, I was, needless to say, unprepared. I had no idea. What looked like a harmless gated community on the outside, turned out to be WWIII on the inside, and desert resort on the inside of that. Two very stark contrasts in very close proximity messes with your head just a little bit. With few exception, cars other than those belonging to residents are not allowed on compound so, at this first visit, we parked our car on the street just outside of the wall and walked in through the pedestrian entrance. On the way in I was in awe, fascinated, curious...on the way out I was...apprehensive. If all of this security is necessary, shoud I really be going out there? But I suppose that is a question left for another maybe more philosophical entry...that's just not happening tonight!

On the bright side, once inside the compound it really is an oasis. But, in that I don't mean to say that the compound is an oasis from the "out there" of KSA, (on the contrary, I have found KSA to be very interesting and would love to explore more) it is an oasis from much more than that...an oasis from real life maybe? Here one has the gardener, the housekeeper, the nanny, the driver, the carpenter, the handyman, the security guard and the activities coordinator; the movie theater, the grocery store, the restaurant, the dry cleaners, the beautician, the clinic, the pre-school, the travel agency, and the jeweler; the swimming pools, the tennis courts, the squash courts, the bowling ally, the gym, the billiards room, the teen room, the youth room, the toddlers room, the basketball court, pilates, kids guitar lessons, gymnastics, soccer, football, badminton, hip hop classes, tae kwon do, ballet, drum lessons, volleyball, ping pong, golf, piano lessons, library, coffee shop, free shuttle to many shopping areas / places of interest, free limo service....whew, you get the idea! I imagine it is difficult for some to keep a foot in real life when on compound. That said....

I wonder how long it is going to take me to forget my kitchen?

Our first afternoon...continued

Well, here I am again, and I have again today a substantial number of experiences to add to the list of things to write about. But, I think I have to continue with day 1 or I'll forget...there is something about the aging mind...or, at least, my aging mind. :-)

After our fantastic brunch we pulled our 5 year old away from her new best friend Salwa who politely told us that if we wanted to go shopping sometime and drop the kids off, she worked as a manager at the Children's Care Center inside of the mall. Not only was I happy to find such a nice brunch, but I now had learned that there was a Children's Care Center inside of the mall and a staff person that the social although very picky 5 year old liked. What a kind, thoughtful, helpful woman, and to top it off she let me take her picture! Something that all of the guide books told me was a big no no.

We then walked from the hotel, into the adjoining tower that was connected to the mall. The security guard was right, the mall was open. The shops, however, were not. (I have to smile at this). Some of the shops were open but very few. We decided to walk around anyway just to get a feel for what Riyadh had to offer. (After four days I see that Riyadh has everything any big city has to offer. Take away the Arabic, the clothes, the call to prayer, the radio and tv and Riyadh could be a large city in the middle of New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada...or any other desert climate. Everything you could want (except for pork and alcohol) is available here....at least everything I have thought I may have wanted in 4 days time...we'll see what I feel like after a year). But, back to my story...on day one I was happily surprised to see shops that I recognized: Gap, Aldo, Next, Aldo (did I write that twice? I've always loved their shoes...and while we're talking about shoes....) 9 West, Karen Millen, Claire's accessories...etc, etc. Did I mention we only "hit" 1 floor of 3??

We got a little side tracked because when we went down to the lower level, we were faced with an indoor amusement park! When the temp is 120 outside (50 C-ish), and you have two kids, an indoor amusement park is a blessing! And the amusement park was really made for kids. Teacups, rollercoaster, train ride, bumper cars, etc all at kids sizes. In one corner there was a "bushus" like play area ...our 5 year old was in heaven.

Here, our 5 year old was busily making new friends, including a 6 year old from India whose father is here working for some company. The playground friendship ended with the dads exchanging phone numbers. Meanwhile, mom (that's me) was sitting on a bench watching the children play along with 3 arab women. After a short time, 2 more women arrived..all very happy to see each other with lots of kisses and hugs and as they were talking they suddenly started including ME by commenting or asking a question in english and then they would translate for each other and for me. The whole thing was so unexpected. And they started asking 101 questions: where are you from? why are you here? are these your children? why doesn't she look like you? have you been here before? how long have you been here? how long will you stay? have you been to any gulf state before? how old are your children...etc, etc, etc, Finally, I asked whether they were related and they all started saying yes, yes, and they removed their hijab so that I could see their faces (2 had faces covered and 3 had faces uncovered). Then started pointing to each other to explain who was who's sister etc. It was all so unexpected and really, really pleasant. We sat and spoke the entire time the children played. Fantastic.

So, I guess, in a nutshell, I'd have to say that day one was a success.

Our first afternoon

Well, I have a calm moment after breakfast, 5 year old is playing with her new Barbie and 1 year old is crawling around exploring our hotel room...I guess I'll continue writing about Day 1.

After breakfast we returned to our room and wondered a little about what to do. We called for a driver to take us to a nearby mall. He informed us that everything was closed until 16.00. So we went down to the outdoor play area here at the hotel but it was a little too late in the day, 11.30, to be outside, the temp was already approaching 50 deg C (122 deg F). Back at our room we called down to the reception and asked if there was any kind of indoor play area here at the hotel. We were told that there was a play area at the gym. So H and the kids went down, but could not find any play area. An additional call to the reception and we were told that the malls would open at 13.00 and we could find an indoor play area there. So, another call to a driver who came and picked us up. When we told the driver where we wanted to go, he said that the malls were closed until 16.00. He suggested that we go to the Globe restaurant.

http://www.alfaisaliahhotel.com/dine5.cfm

The Al Faisaliah Tower and its Globe Restaurant are one of Riyadh's landmarks. We thought that in our newly landed, tired, middle of the day, crumpled state, the Globe Restaurant was a little bit too much. By the time we came to that conclusion we were already at the tower and the driver was speaking with the security guard (getting car access to many buildings is difficult, with road blocks and security guards controlling who gets in and when). The security guard told the driver that the mall which is connected to the Al Faisaliah Tower would open at 13.30. We decided to eat lunch at the adjoining Al Faisailiah Hotel, in the hotel lobby and then go check out the mall after.

http://www.alfaisaliahhotel.com/

When we entered the hotel lobby and neared the restaurant, we were asked if we would like to have brunch. Friday is Islam's equivalent to Sunday in the west....aka brunch day! We were also told that there was a children's room with staff to watch the children if we would like. We decided to start by checking out the children's area. To get to the children's area we walked passed the brunch area. On our way we passed a room full of deserts, cakes, pies, delicacies, chocolate fountains, waffle irons, crepe stations, fruit, etc --- I have to say, it was GORGEOUS. I was already in awe. We walked passed a cheese bar, a sushi bar, a seafood bar, an Arabian bar, a Japanese bar, a Chinese bar, an Italian bar, a pasta bar, a Moroccan bar, a cold mezze bar, a warm mezze bar, and much, more!! In the children's room there was a plethora of activities and table upon table of goodies--cakes, cookies, candies, ice cream a create your own cookie, doughnut and muffin table...it took about 6 minutes in the room for our 5 year old to say "mamma, I think you can go now". So, the parents were free to eat brunch too!!!! The only thing that seemed to be missing from the brunch was the champagne mimosas. But, I must say, we were served some kind of sparkling fruit drink that was very refreshing and the whole set up was just so elegant and extravagant that I can't say I missed not having champagne. And, to top it off, it was so completely unexpected, it made it all the more wonderful. This brunch now tops my list along with my favorite brunches at the Scottsdale Resort and Conference Center in Arizona and at the Snoqualmie Falls Lodge in Washington

http://www.thescottsdaleresort.com/

http://www.salishlodge.com/?WT.mc_id=SnoqualmieFallsWebsite.

Day 2 -- what to write about?

So, Day 2 is coming to an end and I am wondering where to begin! What should I write about?

Should I, for example, tell you about our spontaneous outing yesterday which turned out to be the best brunch I have ever had and which included a "children's brunch" where cakes, cookies, ice cream, and goodies (and much more) were available for the picking as far as the eye could see....

Or, the amusement park(s) inside of the shopping malls

Or the conversation I had with 5 Arabian women yesterday in which they asked me 101 questions and when introducing themselves took off their hijab so that I could see their faces.

Our 5 year old's social skills that have found her her first friend in Riyadh, a 6 year old indian girl.

Or, then there is our first and second experience with entering...and exiting...a compound.

Or, day two breakfast, same restaurant as day 1 restaurant with just me and the kids.

Let's see, the heat have I mentioned the heat?

Or, wearing an abaya inside out

Prayer time at the mall

Riyadh after 16.00

and last but not least, musical compounds.

Unfortunately I don't have time tonight to write about any of these topics...but they are here as a little reminder for me....if only I knew where to start!

Goodnight :-)

Arriving in Riyadh

At 15.00 on the 24th of June, we boarded our flight from Frankfurt to Riaydh. When we arrived at the gate, I was already searching for signs of something...different. I didn't see any. Lots of travelers, a great mix of people. Nothing spectacular.

On the flight I sat next to a German man that had lived in Riyadh for 17 years. His family had been with him right up to the terrorist attacks of 2003 and then the family went back to Germany. I asked him what his children thought of the experience today. And he replied that his son that just turned 18 requested a trip to Riyadh for his 18th b-day.

As we neared Riyadh, I started looking around the cabin for signs of other women changing into their abayas. Having not been to KSA before and not really knowing what to do, I was searching for cultural clues....what I realized was that there wasn't another woman sitting in our section. All men. Thank goodness we were traveling with two children! The kids were asleep when we landed which ment that I had to wait for help unloading them which gave some of the other passengers time to exit the plane before us. All of the women that walked passed...maybe 5 western women and 2 muslim women....had abayas on. Whew! I quickly put mine on and was ready to go!

There was, again, nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary with the airport...Eucalyptus trees inside...I thought that was cool, I love Eucalyptus trees!! When we arrived at the passport control we were immediately pulled out of line and showed to an official that checked our passports and let us through, passed all of the other travelers waiting, with a "Welcome to Saudi Arabia". All the while, smiles, winks, and warmth where being shot at our 5 and 1 year olds.

As we were waiting for our luggage our 5 year old really had to use the restroom..so we headed for the "toilet" sign and two men sitting in front of the door kindly pointed us in the direction of the women's restrooms. Once inside, she said "Mamma, be careful that you don't get your pretty dress dirty". The restrooms weren't the cleanest but they definately weren't the dirtiest I have been in either.

The customs agent didn't look twice at us, and within what seemed like minutes from getting off the plane, we were getting into the car that was waiting for us, a Yukon, instantly I felt a little as if I were back in the US. Although, waiting outside of the airport was largely men....Arab, Pakistani, etc in mostly robes.

My first impression of Saudi Arabia? Only positive. Thus far the people have been warm, a little shy but quick to joke, friendly and helpful.

Let's see what tomorrow brings :-)