"Sorry ma'am, this is the men's section"
I looked around, not really knowing what to do with myself (I really wanted a grande two-pump no whip extra hot mocha), and the man behind the counter nodded his head toward....when I looked it was another Starbucks right next door. It was right out the front door, the two cafés were looking at each other. (How did I not see that at the beginning of my dream??) I walked over and it was jam packed with people. I don't remember ordering my coffee...what I do remember was walking out up Göteborgsvägen to a large square where Krokslatt should've been.
Here, there was, what I would call a festival on Thailand. Flags were waiving, people were singing. It was lively and a lot of fun. I however, had to get to school to pick up my daughter so I decided to head back to the car. When I walked passed the woman singing, I heard her say (in Swedish) to her accompaniest "Kom igen, nu, vi kör denna igen". I thought, wow, that woman from Thailand can speak Swedish.
And, then I looked up and wondered, "Where is my car? I hope he didn't leave thinking I didn't need him any more. Where could he have gone??"
And then I woke-up.
Now, normally, I would be wondering "what does it mean" But today I am completely convinced that I know exactly what it means...it was a re-cap of my week.
First, I am drinking a lot of coffee. We purchased a Nespresso machine and it is just way too easy to get a good cup of coffee quickly. And KSA being what it is, we call to order more coffee and they deliver it, same day, to our doorstep...this is true for a lot of things...many restaurants deliver, yes, even McDonalds. There are grocery stores that will come and pick you up at your doorstep and take you to do your shopping and return you at home for free....I wonder if there is home delivery of groceries...I haven't checked into that yet.
Second, I think we have pretty much decided that we need a driver. So, we have been asking everybody that we can think of if they know anybody. I have asked everybody I know that has a driver if their driver has a friend who may need a job, I have asked the drivers that we have used and even drivers that I have seen regularly if they have friends that may be looking for work. No luck. With the decision to hire a driver we have decided not to have a full-time maid any more. That was a little difficult. Telling our maid that she should look for work elsewhere. She is from Sri Lanka and sends all of the money that she earns home so that her children can go to school. She returns home about once a year to see them. It really is a bizarre world that we live in.
Third, I had my first experience with not being able to go into an establishement because I was a woman the other day. We went out to get some take-out and went to a well known for Riyadh Lebenese restaurant. As soon as we pulled up I sensed that I wasn't going to be able to go in. The front of the restaurant was all glass and it was very well lit. I didn't see any booths only a few tables in the center of the establishment. My husband being a man doesn't really have to think about these things. I said to him, maybe you should go in and see if I can come in and if not you can bring a menu out. Sure enough, he came back right away with a menu. So, we sat in the car and looked through the menu, circled the items we wanted, and he went back inside to order. Then he came out and waited with me.
As I was sitting in the car watching all of the men get out of their cars, go in and order, and come out with there little packages of dinner to go, I tried to imagine, how it must be for the typical Arab.
It may seem from afar that women get the short end of the stick in this society but, I wonder if that is really the case in practice. Here, it is families that are the social network. When you go into a shopping mall, people travel in entourages...4, 5, 6 , people-- men, women and children walk together. Or, large groups of women, but, I have yet to see large groups of men doing things together. Even at this restaurant, that was men only, people were coming and picking up loads of food to take back to their, I can only assume... families. There weren't any groups of men just hanging out having a good time.
I also saw men with little girls with them. Daddys and daughters I assume. The little girls were allowed to run around in and out of the restaurant, no problem. I wondered how it must be for these little girls when they no longer get to go with daddy to pick up dinner. Is it a disappointment for these girls or is it a sign of maturity...something that many coming-of-age children long for--acknowledgement from their elders that they are no longer children. I don't know, it would be interesting to ask.
I have a difficult time believing today that this is an awful place for women. At least, I am not sure that it is any more awful for women than it is for men, especially young single men. (For young single men, I believe, although I don't know, that KSA is a rather difficult place to be) Before we came, everybody was suspicious about the treatment of women in this country. But when I walk around I see women holding their heads high, in control, warm, lively, outgoing, stylish, confident.....These attributes just don't seem to be in-line with a group that is oppressed and poorly treated as a whole.
But I have met (western) women here that say that they feel disgust when they see the women walking around in their abayas and hijab. What do they see that I don't? (and now as I write it I am thinking, am I that insensitive???). Of course, I am just brushing society, not in it.
I think the thing that may be most bothersome for me isn't the segregation of the sexes, isn't the abaya, isn't the hijab, isn't the not being able to drive. Getting a taxi here is no different than getting a taxi anyplace else, taking off my abaya when I go in to get my haircut is no different than taking off my coat when I come in from the rain..the segretgation is new, but I rarely notice it. What is most unsettling maybe is that those that would like something different are not able to leave here at will. That as a woman one must be given permission to leave the country. (I think that even Saudi men have to apply to exit but women need their husband or guardian to give them permission to exit). Even myself, a "free" (as free as any of us can be...which, if you have ever tried to move between countries, isn't very and aren't we all captive of our culture? and a laundry list of other things?) western woman needed my husband to apply for my exit visa.
OK where was I? Fourth, yes fourth. Fourth is that it is Ramadan. Which means (for us at least) NOTHING is happening. Everything is closed until 8:00 or 9:00 at night when it opens until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning...restaurants, shopping, beauty salons, etc, etc, etc. As Muslims do not eat during daylight hours during Ramadan the entire country has changed its rhythm--namely, night is day and day is night. People sleep later, and are up all night. Even our western Muslim expat friends who are here are not used to it. It must be so wonderful for them to have an entire country celebrating with them. We, however, still keep our normal routine. Up at 5am bed at...well, it is so early its embarrassing! Do I want to come in for a haircut sometime between 8:30pm and 3:30am??? I'd be snoring in the chair! So, I don't know, maybe my subconscious was longing for (a) a festival, (b) some excitement or (c) a vacation...which I am getting tomorrow..so problem solved :-)
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