First, on the entry dated June 24, 2010, I briefly mentioned family dining in the hotel. Our first morning in Riyadh, when we all went down to breakfast, we were shown to a private section in the restaurant. I speculated that this was because we were a family. However, the kids and I had breakfast in the same restaurant for the 5 days following that initial visit and we were seated in the main dining room. Following those meals, the 4 of us had breakfast on our last days at the hotel together, and again we were seated in the main dining room with everybody else. Those last couple of days we actually thought that it would be nice to be seated in the more private area. So, I guess we weren't seated in the private are because we were a family, or maybe we were seated in the private area because we were a family. For whatever the reason, there wasn't any consistancy to it.
It seems to me that this separation of the sexes is mostly for show. In the malls women and men walk around and shop freely. During the evenings (the malls here are closed from 12.00-16.00 and reopen at 16.00 until sometimes past midnight) security may be monitoring the entrances in order to keep young single men out. In the food court, the walk-up-to-the-counter type restaurants have two lines. One for men and and one for families....but they aren't seperated by anything...maybe a partition.... and often families crowd out the men's line. Then in the eating area there is usually a men's (bachelor) section and a family section.
Some restaurants have curtains that can be drawn over the open side of a booth in order to increase privacy...but using the curtain is by no means manditory. We found ourselves eating lunch at IKEA and pulled the curtain to get away from the hustle and bustle around us and focus as a family on eating (which wasn't so easy considering what we were served!). But we have been to other restaurants where the "privacy" level was already very high--being seated at a high-backed booth for example-- where we haven't used the curtain.
We have been to a little hole in the wall (although this hole in the wall was rather large) Indian restaurant where we were turned away at the main entrance and showed a side door. The room that opened up inside was their family section. In other words, one entrance for men and another entrance for families. I think my husband was more bothered by this than I. What do I care? Who are these men anyway? I came to eat and I really only care about the 3 other people with me. We were served a great meal for pennies and probably could have feed 3 additional people for the amount of food we were served.
Similarly, we have been to restaurants in which men and women are being served and are eating freely in the same dining room. So, at the end of the day, I think it is for show. Or maybe it has to do with when the restaurant opened or who the clientelle are. The society here is becoming more relaxed with their stance on segregation of the sexes. The mutawwa are loosing their power. At certain times I have wondered if where we are seated depends more on who is watching than on any clear cut policy. In the end, I think what may be most important is not where we are seated but that we as a family are treated with kindness and respect. And, we have been. I have not once felt uncomfortable simply because I am a woman in Saudi Arabia.
But what is it about eating which makes it necessary to separate the sexes? The only other time I have encountered a separation was at the hospital. One waiting room for men and another for women. But when you are being helped, it may be either a man or woman taking your information, a man or a woman, examining you so in the end men and women are coming into contact with each other. My guess is that when men and women have time on their hands to chit-chat they are separated...while eating, or while waiting to be helped. But, even in the hospital men were sitting in the women's section and women and men were walking around. So, I must say it seems rather ineffective and relaxed.
Second, on July 6th I posted the entry "Mom's night out". In this entry I mentioned the Mutawwa. I've received quite a few emails asking about the Mutawwa. I don't know what really to say about them. I haven't really had any contact and all I have heard seems a little urban-myth-ish. My understanding of Mutawwa thus far is that they are religious police not THE police. They enforce their view of what is proper behavior according to their interpretation of the Qur'an. They are officially known as the "Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice". According to The Essential Guide to Customs and Culture: Saudi Arabia their roll is almost exclusively limited to the later. Apparently they have almost vanished in certain cities (like Jeddah) but are still alive and well in Riyadh. The stories I have heard are many, but I have yet to meet anybody that has run into them first hand or seen them whipping or shouting at anybody first hand. In general they would be looking for things such as the intermingling of the sexes in public, the amount of skin a woman shows in public, shows of affection in public, and such things. In a shopping mall the other day I saw a man and woman holding hands. I had heard that this was a definate no-no (something the Mutawwa would be all over--in a not so nice kind of way) but they didn't seem to be worried. So, I don't know....will I see mutawwa? Time will tell!
Lastly (and I am sure many of you had some reaction to this even if you weren't one of the people that emailed me) on July 17, I posted an entry about my breaking the law. The infractions were (1) riding in a vehicle with a man other than my mahram (a mahram is a husband, father, brother, or of-age son...in other words, an un-marry-able relative to a woman),
and (2) I wasn't wearing my abaya. After being asked several times about it and also getting some emails of worry and concern I thought, well, maybe I should just check into what could have happened had we been stopped.
I thought, who should I ask? Our maid has lived in Saudi for 3 years but has never set foot off of the compound..so, she was out. I wasn't sure I wanted to go to another expat...their information (I assumed) was probably about as good as mine. So I decided on one of our drivers. A man from Pakastan that has lived in KSA for 25+ years. I told him what had happened and asked specifically
"Is this illegal? What would happen if I were stopped?"
His response was "It isn't illegal what you did. Mutawwa are not police"
He told me that if I would have been walking around central Riyadh with no abaya it would have been a problem because that is where the Mutawwa are but in a car and traveling between compounds, wasn't anything to worry about. It isn't as if the Mutawwa are in cars pulling people over..they are walking around highly-populated areas (shopping malls, etc) looking for infractions. He also didn't seem to be too concerned about me riding with a man other than my mahram.
He asked, "was he western?"
"Yes" I responded.
"Then no problem" he said.
His response both surprised me and made me relax a little. But in the end, I can't help but wonder, is it really no big deal? I still think that it is better to be safe than sorry. A lot of what I think today is that although things may be coming more relaxed, one can still find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Often change happens slowly...I'm going to side on the conservative!
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