Going to School in the Kingdom

Thanks so much for all of the emails!!! It is so fun to see that people are actually enjoying reading my little blog :-) . I wasn't really sure I had it in me (and really, I'm still not) but, the encouragement makes it easire for me to sit down and write a little bit about what is happening in our lives. Even those of you that write and say that I am terrible at updating the blog---you know who you are!!! In my defense, I have been slammed with an application for research funding at the same time that hubby has been away for work...but, application IN, hubby BACK! And, nobody has commented on spelling or grammer, or typos...and please don't. I'm getting this out of me as quickly as possible...I don't have time to proof-read :-)

So today (well, ok, I started writing this two days ago!) marks the end of our 5 year old daughter's first week of school. Yes, it is Wednesday. Here, Thursday and Friday are the weekend and the normal working week and school week starts on Saturday. It may go without saying that I was a little nervous-about school, not the weekend :-). Her school isn't too far away, about 20 minutes door to door but it seems much farther when I can't drive myself and can not count on a car being available at my beckon call, and of course the obsticle course of exiting and entering compounds makes everything seem much farther away than it actually is.

Wondering how the week went? Here's a re-cap:

First, I had to schedule a car to pick up our daughter. The plan was that my husband would drop her off and I would pick her up. In order for me to pick her up I had to find a driver that would come and pick me up, pick the car seat up and then go pick her up and bring us all home. There is a school bus here but it doesn't go to her school. She is the only child from this compound going to that school. The word on the street is that some parents send their children with drivers. This cuts the cost and the time dedication on the parent's side but, I prefer to be along for the ride. First I called the driver we usually use, and asked how much he would charge to take me to pick her up every day. His response was "expensive"...He wasn't kidding. He wanted about 1200 Riyals per month ($ 400 / 2500 SEK). So I called the compound and they said it would cost us about half that. So I scheduled a car through the compound.

I asked if we could have the same driver everyday and they said no..but then I provided them with a list of documents and information that they needed to provide in order to drive onto the compound to get to the school (OK, I started to write the list, but then my husband's voice in the back of my head saying "you can't do that" put a halt to my plans):

Just know, it was a long list--according to my humble standards...our compound then informed us that they would give me the details on two drivers so if one would happen to be sick or held up there would always be another driver available to pick up our little sunshine :-)

Day 1

On day 1 I thought it may be best to leave our one year old at home with the maid. So 75% of our family piled into the car while 25% stayed behind. I didn't like it. But, such is life. Our car was thankfully allowed to pass through the gates of the compound upon which the school is located (btw, my husband was also required to leave the long list of info/docs in order to be able to drive his car onto the compound).

The plan was that I would stay the day. Day 1 was a 1/2 day ending at 12.00, right after lunch. After about an hour my daughter had completely forgotten about me so I went to the restaurant and had a cup of coffee. Luckily there was another mom there that wanted to join me for coffe and wouldn't you know, she ended up being very nice and open and we had a really nice time. After coffee, we walked over to her house where we stayed until we walked back to pick up the kids. When the day ended...no car. Where was our car?? (And, where was the car seat??? Right, we forgot it in daddy's car...arrrghhhhh!)

I call my compound to find out where the car is:

"Its waiting at the parking lot ma'am, they wont let him come in"

What??!! The parking lot is outside of the compound outside of two checkpoints, we can't walk that far...(well, I could ---although, it would be HOT, HOT, HOT, remember I am in an abaya if I go outside of the compound--- but not the daughter). So, the school called a car from inside the compound to drive us outside of the compound so that we could change cars and go home.

WHAT A NIGHTMARE FOR A VERY IMPATIENT, LOOKING FOR THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY OF DOING EVERYTHING AT ALL TIMES PERSON SUCH AS MYSELF!!!!! OH HOW I HATE WAITING AND OH HOW I HATE HASTLES!!!! AND WHAT I HATE MORE THAN EXPERIENCING THESE THINGS MYSELF IS HAVING MY DAUGHTER EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS!!! ROSE PETTALS SHOULD FALL AT HER FEET AND SEAS SHOULD PART AT HER ARRIVAL. OK, maybe that was a little over the top but, really, it's 50 degrees out, she's been at a new school, new kids, new teachers...does she really now have to hop into a car with her stuff for a ride to another car, out in the heat, into the new car.....really??? This is certainly going to prove to be a test of my ability to let it go, go with the flow, and keep smiling :-)

Although she had a great time, the evening was spent doing lots of crying. I think it was the first day at the new school that really made her realize that she would not be going back to her old pre-school, she would not be spending the day with her favorite people, and that she was going to have to learn the ins and outs of this new environment. All good lessons in life, lessons that would come sooner or later, but I would be lying if I said my heart didn't hurt a little and the thought "have we done the right thing??" didn't cross my mind. So, after kids went to bed, mom called hubby and off-loaded! And you all know what that means :-)

Day 2.

Day 2 was a full day. 8:00am - 2:00pm. At 2:00am on Day 2, hubby had flown to Germany for work so the kids and I were solo. This meant that we had to have a driver for both drop off in the am and pick-up in the afternoon. I decided to bring little brother along so at 8:00 am, we piled a stroller, three packed bags, two car seats, two kids and a mom into the car that arrived. And, remember, even at 8:00am it is HOT outside!! Not plesant, not warm, HOT!! I hurridly put on my abaya in the car between our house and the gates. When we got to the compound where the school is located, they waved us right on. Right on! :-) We pulled up to the school and I wondered what to do about the car seats....take them in with me or...I asked the driver if he could have them in his trunk. He wasn't sure that he would be picking us up so he said that he would take them back to the house (good thing we have the maid, somebody always at home to open the door!!) and tell the afternoon driver to pick them up before coming to pick us up.

Day 2 was pretty similar to Day 1, after about 30-60 minutes at school, our 5 year old forgot I was there and was running around with her new found friends. And, watching her really put me at ease. I have experienced her previously as a leader. Often , her friends want to do what she is doing. She is often surrounded by lots of kids. And this morning I again saw this tendancy for the other kids to flock around her....she seemed in her element surrounded by a group of children showing them something that she was doing or leadning some sort of make-believe game. At the same time, our son was taking controll of the situation-- in there with the rest of the 5 year olds as if it was the most natural place in the world for him to be. I could have gone home and nobody would have noticed.

Insead, I phoned my new found mom-friend and asked if I could pop by. So, I spent the morning kid free, drinking coffee and chatting. Right before lunch I walked back to the school and went to lunch with the kids. It really seemed awfully luxurious for a pre-school lunch. The kids walked over to the restaurant, past the pools and recreation area and sat in the openness of the restaurant looking out over the swimming pools. Waiter's waiting to serve. On the walk over the principal asked

"Do you want to eat lunch with us?"

I was actually planning on sitting in another section and ordering my own lunch.

"Uh, I don't eat kids' food" I replied (Is that terrible????)

He told me that the food was good, so despite my better judgement I ate with them and IT WAS really good food. I was impressed!

At 12:00 we decided to leave school and go to one of the other childrens' homes. The kids played for a couple hours and then it was time for us to meet our driver. But, where was he??? We called a service car to take me to the parking lot. I asked if he could drive by the school first to see if our driver was there. The driver called to security and was told that our driver was waiting in the parking lot for us. So, into car #1 with stroller, 3 bags, 2 kids, and myself, abaya on and out into the real world. What did we find in the parking log? NO CAR. The man at the security said he didn't let any car on so I called my compound. Where is the car?

"He's waiting at the school, ma'am"

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, we waited while our car exited the compound, came to the parking lot and picked us up.

Oh, how I hope this gets easier!!!

Day 3

Day 3 was the first day I decided to return home after dropping of our daughter. The car came at 8:00 as usual, I put the two car seats in the car, didn't take the stroller because we would be returning home, didn't take a bag packed with necessitites for the day for the baby because we would be returning home, pilled in the kids, hoped in myself. This ritual takes 11 minutes from begining to end----yes, I timed it. 11 minutes in the heat, lifting, carrying, holding wiggling kids...bending over car seats and buckling....11 minutes!! Car arrives at 8:00 we leave the house at 8:11. I'm not a diva or anything but you know that feeling when you start the day sweaty and grimy and then over all of that sweat and grime I put on an abaya that just locks it all in...yum, fresh, disgusting (or how the 5-year old says it, excusting)!

Our little girl cried the entire way to school. She did not want me to leave. I tried to explain that there is no difference between me walking around, drinking coffee, visiting with people or going back home. I think she kind of got this. And, besides, I had no choice, I didn't bring a stoller or anything for little brother. She's rather a smart cookie though and told me that I could go back home and pick up all of these things and come back. I held firm though.

We were again let right onto the compound with a wave and a smile.

Her teacher is rather smart---or lucky (for me). He doesn't start the day with any "circle time" or any thing like that, they start by singing two songs...and then right away he has an activity for them that usually includes running around. As soon as this starts, she forgets about me because she is having so much fun. So after staying about 15 minutes I could say, ok I'm going to go now, kiss and hug. I get my kiss and hug and she bolts! I love it when I don't have to be the bad guy!

In the afternoon, the car came 30minutes early to pcik me up! So the daughter got to come home 1/2 an hour early. We were let right onto the compound with no problem. Ok, this IS getting easier!

Day 4

Day 4 was pretty much like Day 3. Minus the tears.....definately getting easier.

Day 5

Wednesdays are half-days at school. The kids go home at 12.00. This Wed the school had a swim day. I don't know about you but I am scared stiff of my kids drowning. In our compound there are 8 swimming pools! Our daughter's class is 10 kids with 1 teacher....I'm coming with. So, I packed up our usual 3 bags + 1 bag for swimming stuff, arm puffs, kick board, towels, etc. Carried out the stroller--yup, little brother is coming with, the two car seats, etc, etc. I was feeling rather proud of myself for getting everything out of the house and on the curb before the car arrived. But, then, I thought that the baby felt a little warm. Yup, FEVER!!!!! Oh, goodness....dilema, send 5 year old into harms way ( DROWNING IS THE SECOND LARGEST CAUSE OF UNINTENTIONAL DEATH AMOUNG CHILDREN IN THE US!!!!! ) and leave feverish one-year-old at home with maid OR send 5 year old alone despite my promise to go with and stay with baby??? Well, I chose option number 1..the drowning thing really gives me nightmares, I would never have been able to handle her going without me. I probably would have taken the little guy with us had it not been for the heat!! But, antoher day this week that I was extremely thankful for the maid!!!!!

The car was kindly waved onto the compound, no problem.

We swam and had a really GREAT time.

12:00 NO CAR. Where is the car???

12:15 I call my compound he's on his way

12:16 maid calls,

"Ma'am they wont let the car onto the compound. He's waiting outside"

"Tell him to try again, we are waiting here, we are not taking a car out and changing we are not moving! Tell him he must try again!"

I walk into the principal's office---call your security and tell them to let my driver on!!

12:20 Car arrives

"Ma'am, 20 minutes I been waiting!"

"Yes, but you need to call me and let me know if there is a problem. You drop us at the school, you pick us up at the school"

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But hey, I'd say all in all week 1 was a success and it can only get better.

Grocery Shopping in the Kingdom

Certainly not all but, thus far at least, a good majority of my interesting experiences have happened while grocery shopping. The kind of experiences that make one stop and say, "Right, I'm not in Kansas any more." But then there are some not-so-strange experiences that have made me stop and say "Right, maybe Kansas isn't so unlike this place after all"

Then again, when was I ever in Kansas?

Take for instance the other day. I had promised my 5 year old a day out shopping. She really wants a Ken doll. (What was once dismay at the love for Barbi my daughter has developed is now utter admiration at how she can get so involved in play with 5 Barbis simultaneously---her imagination does not quit!). Anyway, here in the Kingdom Barbi can be found in a mass of varieties, there is also the Islamic verstion of Barbi, Fulla--she's also pretty snazzy. And then of course there are the Hanna Montana dolls, the High School Musical Dolls, and a gazillion no-name dolls that, well, I don't know the name of.

Not being able to drive I called our driver and asked if he could spend 1/2 a day with us. He took us around and no luck finding a Ken doll. We had some other errands, so we did those and then finished up at the grocery store. I had my cart filled with the items I wanted to buy and since it was a new store that we had never been to before we just killed some time looking around. There are some amazing sweets here and of course we had to put a couple of new varieties in our cart..and then, the eyes of a 5 year old spyed some fun girlie dresses and the toy section. Nope, no Ken doll. Then we mozied over the the check-out...right in time to see the doors lowering, the cashiers closing up shop and the lights dimming... PRAYER TIME!!! When will I learn??

In this country in which prayer heppens 5 times a day, there is no time for browsing, otherwise you get locked in where ever you are until prayer time is over. This wasn't the first time this had happened, but I was feeling rather dumb for not paying attention. I guess I have to start setting an alarm or something. I called the driver, told him we wouldn't need him for the next 45 minutes because we were locked in. Opened up some snacks and water for my duaghter and waited. Thank goodness she didn't need to go to the bathroom until after the doors opened!!!

Now, just in case you're wondering, we weren't the only people locked in. No, not every muslim runs off to prayer time at prayer time. But, places of business do close for prayer time at prayer time.

When the tills were opened again we were quickly shown to the front of one of the lines (I can only guess that because I am a woman and because I had a child with me, I got priority). The man in line behind us came over quickly and unloaded all of our groceries onto the band for us. This has happened many times. Nice, nice helpful people.

Then there was the time when neither my credit card nor debit card would work at the check-out at the grocery store. The check-out clerks were all very nice and helpful running this way and that trying to find a point-of-sale machine that would work..supervisors were coming by trying to fix the situation. Then, the woman behind me in line asked if I didn't just want to borrow the 700 (200ish dollars) some odd riyals and take her phone number so that I could call her when I wanted to pay her back. I ended up waking to the ATM while my bagged groceries waited for me and paid in cash. But, when has any stranger ever offered to pay for my grocieries before???

Today I planned a little bit better, or at least I thought. I called the driver and asked him to get us to the grocery store right before prayer time...then they could lock us in at the begining!! Yeah! Good thinking! So, we got dropped off and I said that we would be about an hour...My 5 year old and I started with the toy section...lots of Barbis, no Ken doll...no boy dolls for that matter. Then we shopped in the piece and quiet of a locked up grocery store. When we were coming out of the dairy section a woman stopped us and asked where we purchaced my daughters shoes. I was, I must admit, a little impressed with myself. I remembered the name of the mall and the name of the store :-) ...what a pro! Then my phone rang.

"Ma'am, please, 10 more minutes only"

I looked at the time...it had been 1 1/2 hrs since we had been dropped off, the driver had been waiting for us for 30 minutes !! I hadn't kept track of the time, and hadn't called to tell him we were running late. I suppose I could have asked him to come back later but, I really didn't want to wait for him to do something else and come back. So we headed for the check-out..hoping over, veggies, fruit, and bread.

I guess it will be a trip back to the grocery store tomorrow.

Reflections on my (short) past

I've noticed that what I have been writing about is mostly what I am experiencing and what I think about what I am experiencing. In some cases, that means that I am speculating...after gaining additional experience or information, my view may change as speculation is nothing more than well, speculation. I also see that some topics are more exciting or interesting to the people reading this blog. There have been a couple entries that people have really responded to with emails or questions. So, with this entry, I thought I would revisit a few of my earlier posts.

First, on the entry dated June 24, 2010, I briefly mentioned family dining in the hotel. Our first morning in Riyadh, when we all went down to breakfast, we were shown to a private section in the restaurant. I speculated that this was because we were a family. However, the kids and I had breakfast in the same restaurant for the 5 days following that initial visit and we were seated in the main dining room. Following those meals, the 4 of us had breakfast on our last days at the hotel together, and again we were seated in the main dining room with everybody else. Those last couple of days we actually thought that it would be nice to be seated in the more private area. So, I guess we weren't seated in the private are because we were a family, or maybe we were seated in the private area because we were a family. For whatever the reason, there wasn't any consistancy to it.

It seems to me that this separation of the sexes is mostly for show. In the malls women and men walk around and shop freely. During the evenings (the malls here are closed from 12.00-16.00 and reopen at 16.00 until sometimes past midnight) security may be monitoring the entrances in order to keep young single men out. In the food court, the walk-up-to-the-counter type restaurants have two lines. One for men and and one for families....but they aren't seperated by anything...maybe a partition.... and often families crowd out the men's line. Then in the eating area there is usually a men's (bachelor) section and a family section.

Some restaurants have curtains that can be drawn over the open side of a booth in order to increase privacy...but using the curtain is by no means manditory. We found ourselves eating lunch at IKEA and pulled the curtain to get away from the hustle and bustle around us and focus as a family on eating (which wasn't so easy considering what we were served!). But we have been to other restaurants where the "privacy" level was already very high--being seated at a high-backed booth for example-- where we haven't used the curtain.

We have been to a little hole in the wall (although this hole in the wall was rather large) Indian restaurant where we were turned away at the main entrance and showed a side door. The room that opened up inside was their family section. In other words, one entrance for men and another entrance for families. I think my husband was more bothered by this than I. What do I care? Who are these men anyway? I came to eat and I really only care about the 3 other people with me. We were served a great meal for pennies and probably could have feed 3 additional people for the amount of food we were served.

Similarly, we have been to restaurants in which men and women are being served and are eating freely in the same dining room. So, at the end of the day, I think it is for show. Or maybe it has to do with when the restaurant opened or who the clientelle are. The society here is becoming more relaxed with their stance on segregation of the sexes. The mutawwa are loosing their power. At certain times I have wondered if where we are seated depends more on who is watching than on any clear cut policy. In the end, I think what may be most important is not where we are seated but that we as a family are treated with kindness and respect. And, we have been. I have not once felt uncomfortable simply because I am a woman in Saudi Arabia.

But what is it about eating which makes it necessary to separate the sexes? The only other time I have encountered a separation was at the hospital. One waiting room for men and another for women. But when you are being helped, it may be either a man or woman taking your information, a man or a woman, examining you so in the end men and women are coming into contact with each other. My guess is that when men and women have time on their hands to chit-chat they are separated...while eating, or while waiting to be helped. But, even in the hospital men were sitting in the women's section and women and men were walking around. So, I must say it seems rather ineffective and relaxed.

Second, on July 6th I posted the entry "Mom's night out". In this entry I mentioned the Mutawwa. I've received quite a few emails asking about the Mutawwa. I don't know what really to say about them. I haven't really had any contact and all I have heard seems a little urban-myth-ish. My understanding of Mutawwa thus far is that they are religious police not THE police. They enforce their view of what is proper behavior according to their interpretation of the Qur'an. They are officially known as the "Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice". According to The Essential Guide to Customs and Culture: Saudi Arabia their roll is almost exclusively limited to the later. Apparently they have almost vanished in certain cities (like Jeddah) but are still alive and well in Riyadh. The stories I have heard are many, but I have yet to meet anybody that has run into them first hand or seen them whipping or shouting at anybody first hand. In general they would be looking for things such as the intermingling of the sexes in public, the amount of skin a woman shows in public, shows of affection in public, and such things. In a shopping mall the other day I saw a man and woman holding hands. I had heard that this was a definate no-no (something the Mutawwa would be all over--in a not so nice kind of way) but they didn't seem to be worried. So, I don't know....will I see mutawwa? Time will tell!

Lastly (and I am sure many of you had some reaction to this even if you weren't one of the people that emailed me) on July 17, I posted an entry about my breaking the law. The infractions were (1) riding in a vehicle with a man other than my mahram (a mahram is a husband, father, brother, or of-age son...in other words, an un-marry-able relative to a woman),

and (2) I wasn't wearing my abaya. After being asked several times about it and also getting some emails of worry and concern I thought, well, maybe I should just check into what could have happened had we been stopped.

I thought, who should I ask? Our maid has lived in Saudi for 3 years but has never set foot off of the compound..so, she was out. I wasn't sure I wanted to go to another expat...their information (I assumed) was probably about as good as mine. So I decided on one of our drivers. A man from Pakastan that has lived in KSA for 25+ years. I told him what had happened and asked specifically

"Is this illegal? What would happen if I were stopped?"

His response was "It isn't illegal what you did. Mutawwa are not police"

He told me that if I would have been walking around central Riyadh with no abaya it would have been a problem because that is where the Mutawwa are but in a car and traveling between compounds, wasn't anything to worry about. It isn't as if the Mutawwa are in cars pulling people over..they are walking around highly-populated areas (shopping malls, etc) looking for infractions. He also didn't seem to be too concerned about me riding with a man other than my mahram.

He asked, "was he western?"

"Yes" I responded.

"Then no problem" he said.

His response both surprised me and made me relax a little. But in the end, I can't help but wonder, is it really no big deal? I still think that it is better to be safe than sorry. A lot of what I think today is that although things may be coming more relaxed, one can still find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Often change happens slowly...I'm going to side on the conservative!

Breaking the Law...x2

We have had the good fortune of being asked quite frequently to do things. It seems as though as soon as people hear that a new family has arrived or see a family they haven't met before the invites start flooding in. Even the maids are bringing cakes and goodies.

Today we were invited to go for a swim at a nearby compound with a couple of other people that had heard we were new to Riyadh and wanted to extend a hello.

At 12.40 the kids and I took a shuttle from our compound to the compound that we were to visit. It was nice because the shuttle goes right to the front dooor and then off-load all of our bags (planning a day out by the pool with two kids at the home of perfect strangers means bags must be packed!). We started our visit by having lunch at the restaurant. The kids were a little tired so we went to the home of our host and relaxed for a little while. I thought maybe we should skip the swim as the children weren't really themselves and go home. I tried to call my husband several times but, no answer. Then we thought no biggie, we'll just get a car from the compound to take us. Unfortunately all of the phones were down at the compound. I then made a call to our compound and requested a car, nope all booked. After a few more calls to hubbie with no answer, we decided to go for a swim.

At the pool, my host called her husband who said that he could drive the kids and I home when he got home from work. He arrived, we dried off, said our good-byes and hopped into the car. Once outside of the compound gates he says to me:

"So now we're breaking the law two times"

It took me a moment to really understand what he was saying, "really?" I said.

"Yes, I should not be driving you and you are not wearing your abaya"

Oooops!!!

Domestic help

As well s being the most family friendly country I have ever been in, I would also say that Saudi Arabia is a country of luxury....at least for the privileged classes. Good service is standard and domestic help is more than common--it is the norm. That said, the discussion in our home about employing, for lack of a better word, a servant, has been ongoing. For the cost of 10 hours of cleaning in Sweden, we could hire a full-time housekeeper here in Riyadh. For us, this means less time doing chores, more time having fun with the kids.

However, employing a housekeeper (at least in our home) seems to be a much bigger question than that of cost. Does, for example, employing a full-time housekeeper mean that we are supporting an oppressive unjust system? Or, does it mean that we are giving a person in need of work a job with a much needed salary? Are we being fair by offering the going rate or are we exploiting the less fortunate? What is fair and just in a society that is not really a society as we know it but rather a conglomeration of families and tribes held together only by their religion on a mass of dessert land that is home to the birthplace of Abraham...father of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam? Bo Rothstein (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Institutions-Matter-Political-Institutional/dp/0521598931/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279258331&sr=8-1), where are you when I need you?

Another aspect that has been on our minds is how to manage the family dynamic with the addition of a housekeeper. How do we as parents show our children that all human beings deserve the same level of respect regardless of their work, salary, social class, religion, culture, language, etc, etc, etc? What type of relationship do we want our housekeeper to have with our children and our children to have with our housekeeper? How do we teach our children to pick-up and clean-up after themselves if we have somebody here doing it for them? A housekeeper adds a variable to our family equation that will mean for us as parents an additional amount of thoughtfulness and consideration. And what has been obvious for us is that the maids (that are really jack-of-all-trades: maids, nannies, cooks) really want to spend time with the children because a good majority have left their families back home to come to KSA to earn money to send home. We are just not the type of people that want others raising our kids.....sorry.

Somewhere between 30 and 50% of the Saudi population are foreign workers here on temporary visas. The Europeans, American's and Austrailianers taking the high-skilled jobs for which Saudi's are unqualified and the Asians and Africans taking the service jobs which are considered "beneath" the Saudi's. Go into any store or restaurant, for example and you will not see a Saudi national working but somebody from Pakistan or the Philippines or other Asian nation.

When we started talking about employing a maid, we were really on the fence about it. In Sweden we had a cleaning service come into our home about 10-15 hrs per month. So, we knew that we wanted something, but full time seemed a little over the top. We don't need a full time housekeeper.

We first met a lovely woman from Nigeria who we instantly liked. She had been referred to us by another family that we know. She was nice to the kids and very outgoing. As she said to us, "I really need the money!" She had a son and had to pay for his schooling so having a regular salary was really important to her. But, at the end of the day she lived to far away to make the trip to us every day. As women can't drive she would have had to take a taxi to and from our house every day and that journey would have eaten up a good chunk of her salary.

Next came a woman from Senegal who was referred to us by our driver. I loved listening to her talk with that French accent!! But, she was only looking for work during the summer, until "her family" (that is, the family that she regularly worked for) returned from vacation. She, however, had a sister. At this we decided to call the woman from Nigeria back and offer to pay for part of her travel expense so she could help us until we or she found something else. But then something happened. The phone started ringing off the hook and people started knocking on our door:

"You looking for maid, madam?"

Inside of the compound are two parallel universes. One of expat families, and one of employees--maids, gardeners, maintenance, wait staff, etc, etc and news had travelled fast that a new family had moved in.

We decided to test out the first woman that came knocking. A woman from Sri Lanka with an 11 year old back home. She wanted full time work and to "live-in". We have a maid's room (that does sound better than servants' quarters, doesn't it?????). We were really apprehensive about letting her live-in. For the most part because the standard of the maid's room is so much below the standard of the rest of the house. Our maid's room is, however, much larger than the other rooms I have seen for housekeepers, and it has its own private bathroom with its own entrance. So, comparatively, our maid's room is definitely nicer than the others we have seen. And, at the end of the day, she has no place to live right now as the family she had been working for 5 years, moved back to Pakistan last week. She moves in tomorrow, we'll see how it goes.

So, in three weeks we've gone from not wanting a full-time housekeeper to having a housekeeper live with us. Have we changed or have the circumstances???

Mom's night out

So this evening after dinner and following our after-dinner-swim, H put the kids to bed while I went to the grocery store. Not being able to drive puts some kinks in the normal routine of things. First, as we haven't had the chance to find a housekeeper / nanny, I can't run any errands without dragging the kids with me. Taking the kids with me to the grocery store really isn't a problem, however, since we don't have a full-time driver going to the grocery store in something other than our car with the kids means taking the kids in a car without car seats. (This doesn't seem to be a problem for a lot of people here. The locals have kids crawling all over the place in the car, it doesn't seem as if seatbelts are big here and although I've seen car seats sold here, I have yet to see one in a car). From the expats, I have gotten a surprised look when I say we don't have a driver...but, today at least, I just cant imagine that that is really necessary.

Anyway back to my story, so after the after-dinner-swim I called for a car, put on my abaya and ventured out on my own. Now, I don't know what you're thinking right now, but you may be thinking one of two things...(1) why is that such a big deal? or (2) you did what???!!! ;-) Well, really it isn't such a big deal. The crime rate in KSA is well below that of most major metropolitan areas in the US. That said, it is true that westerners are targets for crime. Just as various groups are targets in other, even western, nations. I think that from the outside there is this perspective that KSA is may be a dangerous place for women. I have not personally felt any more threatened here than any where else. On the contrary, I have found people to be as courteous, friendly, and helpful as in the US (sorry Sweden). And sure, anyplace is a dangerous place if you aren't respectful to the customs and culture or if you take unnecessary risks. And isn't it so that we are often frightened by that which we don't understand? OK, back to my story.

The car was on its way when I remembered that I didn't have any time left on my mobil phone...but then my all knowing and wise husband reminded me that I bought a mobil which took 2 sim cards so I could switch over to my Swedish plan and voila! Air time.

The car arrived and I told the driver to take me to the mall (the grocery store is adjacent to the mall) and asked him to wait outside. He quickly jotted down a telephone number on a tissue and told me that I could call when I was leaving the store...I re-read the number to him and got out of the car amidst a symphony of honking horns (oh, how people love to honk their horns here!). Once inside the mall I thought I should test the number but being the non-technological being that I am, it took me quite awhile to figure out how to switch from my Saudi sim to my Swedish sim. I stood there, with my shopping cart, phone, and tissue trying to figure it out, pressed some buttons and then the telephone wanted to restart and the entire time I am thinking "uh-oh, I hope I'm not stuck here without a phone." (and no car!)

As I am standing, staring at my telephone and wondering why, why, why. I hear for what I think is the 4th time "madam, please". What? Is somebody talking to me? I look up.

"Madam, please"

"Yes", I say.

"Madam, please, cover your hair".

I quickly took up my hijab and covered my hair...THE MUTAWWA! Could this man have been mutawwa? This madam please man? After all of the horror stories I have heard?

Mutawwa are the religious police and they enforce the form of Islam which is Saudi law but most conservatively in the Najd region and its capital, Riyadh. In KSA there is no separation of religion and state, there is no state without Islam. Everything is carried out, at least an attempt is made, according to the Koran (Q'ran). And the mutawwa have a baaaaaaad reputation.

I thought he would hiss at me...not this madam please. How comlpetely non-traumatic. Is KSA going to live up to any of the rumors??? ;-)

Not much happening

Well, I hate to say it but, there isn't much happening here. We've moved into our house but are still waiting for our belongings to arrive from Sweden. The weather keeps us from going out during the day for too long so unfortunately we are filling our time with the Disney Channel and a few toys that we have bought since our arrival. Apparently our belongings have been sitting at the airport since July 2 waiting for us to come and ask customs to let the shipment through to us....too bad nobody called us to tell us it was here. It took a phone call to Sweden to find out that our stuff had arrived...days ago.

Lucky for us, there are a lot of activities for children here. Our 5 year old has been bowling, played tennis, been to arts and crafts, played basketball, played tennis, and has passed on soccer...and of course swimming and a play room. All of these activities have been planned activities (except the swimming and play room) and take place at the Recreation Center about 4 blocks from us. There have been other children there but...where are the parents???

Our first compound activity for children was bowling. 12 kids all around 5, 6, 7 ish, no parents. Except me. I was a little surprised by this, but hey we're new so what do we know? The next activity, was tennis. There I saw two other moms. At arts and crafts I spoke with the other mom present "Where are all the parents" (I know I'm a little over protective, but am I really that over protective?)? Her two years of experience at this compound had led her to the following reply:

"You'll see that. The Americans don't hang out with their children, you'll see only maids/nannys; The european's are almost always with their children even if they have a maid/nanny; the middle easterners are never with their children, the maids/nannys do everything, even if the whole family is going out together the maid/nanny will go along to take care of the children"

After seeing the move to KSA as a real opportunity to spend more not less time with the kids I was surprised that more weren't taking advantage of the opportunity...

But, hey, at the end of the day, we're all different! ;-)